#I WOULD LIKE TO NOT HEAR GLASS BEACH THE FIRST GLASS BEACH ALBUM CONSTANTLY

[girlwiththegreenhat]

voices in my head but instead of edgy shit its just whatever songs or album i have stuck in my head playing literally 24/7 to the point it gives me a headache

[animelosers]

hi, i have a request!! would it be okay to write smt like nsb celebrating valentines day with you? like how romantic they are.. or smt?

This got lost in notifications and I am so sorry.

Valentines with NSB

Warnings: Fluff lol, coded sexual jokes, teasing

Summary: going on dates with NSB and what they will most likely do for you

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OLIVER;

Oliver had everything planned two weeks before Valentine's, no doubt. The night before Valentine's he stayed at your place because he said he wanted to do an early morning drive because he had a surprise. Around 5 in the morning, he takes you for a drive and plays the neighborhood's songs on the way. While you were falling asleep in the passenger seat as he drove. Soon he shakes you awake making you open your eyes confusingly and look around. He made you a morning picnic with your favorite breakfast items on Los Angeles Beach. Enough time left for you guys to see the Sunrise. This was only the beginning for the day of love.

SEBASTIAN;

He would plan everything two days before hand. Him being busy with meetings, the boys, and music but when it comes down to you this boy will drop everything to plan the next date ahead of time... but one day it slipped his mind. He comes home to you knowing that he is busy and that you know he loves you so much, he sees you holding a sign saying 'Happy Valentine's MY Love<3', wearing your first date outfit, his favorite snacks, and favorite DVD movies in a basket on his bed, roses and balloons on his nightstand, the song he showed you when you guys first got together, and lastly his favorite of all... a photo album of you two ever since you guys were friends. Friends to lover era. He looks at you and hugs you tightly, constantly apologizing.. he makes it up to you later ;).

RYAN:

You and him love alone time together and it doesn't matter the context because even comfortable silence with soft music is perfect. You were in his room, thinking he was at a meeting with the others because none of the boys are home either but in reality, they are helping him figure out your gifts. You start a new show as you wait for him, you gave him his gift earlier that week because he found it unintentionally by looking in your closet. It was a new sweater, puffer jacket, and clear blue light glasses. As you watch your show you hear laughter downstairs, knowing it's the boys you wait in Ryan's bed until Ryan comes upstairs. Soon you hear the door open, you see Ryan in the outfit you bought him with black pants, your favorite snacks and candy in a bag, and a bracelet. You get up and immediately kiss him. You hear the boys cheering and closed the door on them. Ryan laughs as he puts your gifts down and hugs you from behind.

JUSTIN:

You guys do small photoshoots of each other throughout the day. The first date is breakfast at your guys' favorite Cafe and you guys either take pictures together or of each other, you pay for this date. The second date is painting together, he mainly takes pictures of you because of how focused you look while painting, and he pays for this one. The third date is lunch at the restaurant where you guys met aka your first job, you guys recreate pictures during this one. What's more ironic is that you met him when he was with Darren and the two were debating if you were more interested in one than the other...and you guys split the bill. The fourth date is a drive-in movie... yall made out most of the time, you paid for the ticket and popcorn/snacks. On the last date, you guys dressed all nicely to go to fast food, the pictures were mainly of him because of the stares you guys were getting and he was staring back with intensity at the ones staring, he paid for this food.

KANE:

This dude plan yall's date a month in advance. His plans:

Dinner date(?)

Matching outfits

Picnic(depends on weather)

Movie night(weather... again)

...gentle night? (I can deal with that only for 10 minutes)

Intimate night? (Similar to gentle night.. right?... fuck)

He ends up going with a picnic for a date. The weather is perfect he brought pizza, boba, fruit, and his laptop to play music. Do you think that's it? Nope. He brought you a small bear that he considered his 'child' now it's your guys' 'child'. You show up to the picnic with a Mirko funkopop, a chain with your initial on it, and a bracelet that he mentioned above when you guys first started dating. Once he saw you he fell in love all over again.

REGIE: (idk if I am going to be adding him anymore because he has a girlfriend now but I will do it just for this one)

He wakes up to breakfast in bed by you while wearing his favorite in-bed outfit. Every time you wear it He is falling all over again. Later that day he surprised you after your practice, your room is decorated in red and pink with pictures of you and him throughout the years. He just sits there with a smile know he did amazingly to suprise you.

DARREN:

You get into your car and there are always balloons, a photo album, cards, chocolate, and notes from him. The notes give you hints on where he is so you can find him, he didn't do so well on the hints. He ends up being at the park where you guys had your first kiss. You seem holding a bear, flowers, and a guitar. You look at him in awe as he shrugs and the boys cheer you guys on.

"Happy Valentine's day," He says as he hands you the flowers and the bear. You kiss him gently before responding to him.

"Happy Valentine's Day my love," You respond and take someone out of your pocket. It's a chain that has a locket, in the locket, it's a picture of you and Darren on the same night of your guys' first kiss. Seems like the two of you were thinking about your first kiss.

[sweetdreamsjeff]

Jeff Buckley “was creating something bigger than the song”

Buckley's friends and collaborators tell the full story of his rise

ByTom Pinnock

13th November 2015

In 1993, Jeff Buckley released his first EP: four songs, played live and alone, that introduced an extraordinary new talent to the musical world. Soon, he would create a debut album, Grace, that suggested he could do anything. Buckley, however, wasn’t so sure: “Jeff,” says his best friend, “was incredibly insecure about everything.” From tribute shows for his father, through the clubs, record labels and studios of New York and London, to the salons of his heroes, Jimmy Page and the Cocteau Twins, Uncut charts the tempestuous first moves of a lost legend. Eternal life guaranteed… Story: David Cavanagh. Originally published in Uncut’s June 2013 issue (Take 193).

Jeff Buckley’s Grace tour lasted 21 months, visited Europe four times, racked up almost 150 North American dates and finally ended on March 1, 1996 in Sydney. The venue was a picturesque spot for the last goodbye: a club in a seaside hotel overlooking Coogee Beach. Among those there was Belinda Barrett, a 26-year-old producer for a Sydney film company, who’d become a Buckley fan the year before.

“Jeff’s two tours of Australia were a life-defining time for me and many others,” Barrett says today. “Jeff was someone you wanted to become a devotee of, and I did. He had incredibly loyal followers who really connected with his essence and spirit.” She remembers looking around at gigs and seeing people gaping in astonishment at the stage. Two years on the road had honed Buckley’s setlist into a hypnotic, invocatory, near-holy performance. “There were moments of coalescence in Australia,” recalls his drummer Matt Johnson, “when new worlds in music felt like they were being glimpsed. Moments I’ll remember until my dying breath.”

Buckley was in good humour at the Coogee Bay Hotel’s aftershow party. Belinda Barrett asked him for his autograph. “Steely balance,” he wrote, adding: “Patti Smith”. But behind the smiles, the long tour had taken its toll. Johnson, suffering from exhaustion and depression, was leaving the group; he’d complained bitterly about the ravages of the “rock machine”. Under contract to Columbia, a Sony label, Buckley had committed to one of the most gruelling itineraries of the MTV-dominated ’90s. The promotional conveyor belt stretched from Paris to Perth, and Buckley had had to learn when to acquiesce and when to resist. It may be one explanation why “steely balance” – a phrase more befitting a wine list – popped into his head as he was approached for an autograph.

“We always said to him, ‘If it gets overwhelming, let’s take a breath,’” says Paul Rappaport, Sony’s former vice-president of artist development. “But you have to understand, people at the company were constantly fighting over him. ‘He’s got to go to France next.’ ‘No, he’s got to go to Australia!’”  The conveyor belt paused; a Sydney hiatus in a New York story that had begun five years earlier.

It was a tale straight out of Dick Whittington. Buckley’s first visit to New York, in 1990, had ended with the 23-year-old Southern Californian fleeing Manhattan in despair after being accused of shoplifting. But in the spring of ’91, the bells coaxed him back. A phone call from Brooklyn invited him to sing at a tribute concert for his father, a man he’d hardly known. This time his arrival in the city would have an impact. Soon everyone from Marianne Faithfull to Allen Ginsberg would hear about him.

Held in a Brooklyn Episcopal church, “Greetings From Tim Buckley” was Jeff’s equivalent of a debutante’s coming-out party. He sang four of his father’s songs in the familiar Buckley vocal tone and range, dumbfounding anyone who’d presumed Tim’s multi-octave voice to be unique. The key moment came in “I Never Asked To Be Your Mountain” when the lighting designer projected Jeff’s head onto a stained glass wall at the rear of the church. It was, says the show’s producer Hal Willner, something akin to a visitation from Jesus. After that, there seemed little to keep Jeff in Los Angeles.

“He became a sponge of New York culture,” says Willner, who took him under his wing. “He jumped into the arty circle initially. I took him to see the Mingus Big Band at the Vanguard, and another night he went to see Sun Ra.” Buckley based himself in the Lower East Side, where he found “a village of freaks like himself” (in the words of actor-musician Michael Tighe, who would later join his band) and lived a monastic existence, burning incense and contemplating a small Bodhisattva on his windowsill. “People who were attracted to New York were not of the norm,” Willner adds. “They came here because of what they could do, which they couldn’t do anywhere else.”

Buckley cut his hair short and sang in Gods And Monsters, a virtuoso raga-rock outfit led by former Captain Beefheart guitarist Gary Lucas. At first, the collaboration was fruitful. Buckley wrote lyrics for a pair of Lucas instrumentals (“And You Will”, “Rise Up To Be”), turning them into “Mojo Pin” and “Grace”. Lucas, angling to sign Gods And Monsters to the BMG-financed Imago Records, envisaged success on a grand scale. Buckley – 14 years his junior – was his final jigsaw piece, his Robert Plant, his Jim Morrison. Gods And Monsters organised a March ’92 showcase gig at the same Brooklyn church where Buckley had honoured his father a year before.

“I was so pissed off at Gary,” remembers Kate Hyman, an Imago Records A&R executive. “Jeff was amazing – you could tell he was a star. But every time he came to the front of the stage, Gary would jump in front of him and play all over him.” Buckley began to feel mismatched with Lucas but was unwilling to confront him, a typical trait according to friends. The band’s bassist, Tony Maimone, proved easier to confide in. “He says, ‘Y’know, Tony, I’m not sure if I’m gonna continue with this,’” Maimone recalls. “It was a little bittersweet. He was kind and gentle, but I got the impression we weren’t going to be playing with him for much longer. He had his own vision to pursue.”

Steve Abbott, a New York-based Englishman who owned a London indie label (Big Cat), saw Gods And Monsters play in a club. Abbott immediately identified Buckley as their most interesting member. “He looked quite sulky and moody, whereas Gary was very in-your-face. Jeff came back on at the end and did a song by himself. It was one of those moments where you haven’t quite heard anything like it. It didn’t fit into any musical format. I spoke to him later and he told me he had some gigs at a place called Sin-é.”

Anyone who attended Buckley’s concert at London’s Shepherd’s Bush Empire on March 4, 1995 will remember the dreadlocked black man who walked onstage to duet with him on “What Will You Say”. His name is Chris Dowd and he’d like to delete that night from his memory (not to mention from YouTube) – he admits that he was horribly drunk. Dowd, a founder member of LA ska band Fishbone, was one of Buckley’s closest friends. After Dowd left Fishbone, he and Jeff lived together for a time in New York, Dowd fielding phone calls for Jeff while he was out. “It would be Chrissie Hynde or Elvis Costello. ‘Hello, is Jeff there? Tell him Elvis called.’ ‘Er, OK.’”

Buckley had become the darling of Sin-é. Sin-é was a café in the East Village run by an Irishman (its name, pronounced “shin-ay”, is Irish for “that’s it”). It had a small bar and no stage. Buckley appeared at Sin-é almost every week in 1992, leaning against a wall and singing, accompanying himself on a Telecaster plugged into a little Fender amp. It was casual and informal (nobody paid to get in), but the customers agreed that something extraordinary happened when he sang. His voice, which he was modifying all the time, was sensual and gender-ambiguous. It could make people cry. It could make them feel elated. It could – and he would insist on this – eliminate conversation from the room. He alluded to his Sin-é period in a 1995 interview with Melbourne’s RRR radio station: “What I’m trying to do is just sing what comes to my body in the context of the song. And if you go by the emotion of the song, it’s almost like stepping into a city. Cities have certain customs and rules and laws you can break, and that’s what I was doing.”

“He would do mostly covers,” Michael Tighe told Uncut in 2007. “Nina Simone. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan. I was very impressed with his knowledge. I thought he had really good taste. What really sent me was when I heard him do ‘Hallelujah’. That’s when I felt I was in the presence of genius. That made me see white flashes.” Buckley had heard Leonard Cohen’s hymn-like “Hallelujah” in a version performed by John Cale on a Cohen tribute album. It had become a feature of Jeff’s floating Sin-é repertoire – “Strange Fruit”, The Smiths’ “I Know It’s Over”, Bob Dylan, Edith Piaf – which grew by the week.

“I remember him opening once with ‘Sweet Thing’ from Astral Weeks and closing with ‘The Way Young Lovers Do’ from the same album,” remarks Nicholas Hill, a radio DJ for New Jersey’s WFMU. “To have the gall even to attempt something from Astral Weeks – usually that doesn’t go over great. But this guy could reinterpret songs, sing them completely differently every time. He was investigating where they could take him. He was creating something bigger than the song. For the first three minutes, you wouldn’t even know what the song was.”

Transported but relaxed, Buckley would talk, do impersonations, comment on what the clientele was wearing (“Nice sandals”) and sing adverts and jingles that he remembered from his childhood. “The motherfucker was so funny,” says Chris Dowd. “He was like… if somebody took Lenny Bruce and Jim Carrey and mixed them into one person. A really dark sense of humour combined with an incredible ability to mimic everything. He had a photographic memory for music.” Nicholas Hill concurs: “Everyone was drawn to Jeff’s personality. He was extremely magnetic and charismatic. Men fell in love with him. Women felt he was their future husband. It was just like, ‘Holy shit, this is a major dude.’ There was just no denying it.”

“Sin-é was this teeny little place with a couple of tables and chairs,” says Kate Hyman, “but it was a magical, fun time because there was no pressure. I was an A&R person, but I was enjoying listening to Jeff and not having to think about the business.” Steve Abbott of Big Cat, who lived a two-minute walk from Sin-é, chatted to Buckley one night and was intrigued to find they shared a love of The Groundhogs – as well as a taste for Guinness. Abbott said he’d like to do a record deal. Hyman, too, wanted to sign Jeff to Imago at some point. But things were moving quickly. One night Hal Willner showed up at Sin-é with a friend named Steve Berkowitz, an A&R man for the major label Columbia.

Abbott: “I left New York to go touring with Pavement, who were on my label. Within the week and a half that I was away, the record industry discovered Jeff Buckley. He now had a lawyer. There was one ridiculous night where I saw three limos outside Sin-é. You didn’t see limos in the East Village. This was when we still had muggings and killings, before the area was gentrified. I couldn’t even get in the door of Sin-é. I kept getting pushed back out again.”

Hyman: “When the limos started showing up, it was funny and silly and none of us took it seriously. But suddenly there was a bidding war. I was in there for a minute, but I was at a small label and there was no way we were going to beat out the majors.” There was another stumbling block for Imago that Hyman is slightly reluctant to reveal. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter now,” she says. “My boss, Terry Ellis – I took him to see Jeff and his comment was, ‘He’s really good, but he has no charisma.’ He actually said that. Really.”

Buckley’s Sin-é apprenticeship didn’t end in formal goodbyes – he appeared there many more times, including a gig with his band shortly before recording Grace – but the innocence had been lost. “His initial crowd were disappointed because they couldn’t see him in a club with eight other people,” says Willner wryly. It was too late. The cat was out of the bag.

Buckley signed with Columbia Records on October 29, 1992. The lure was a promise of artistic freedom, but their historic catalogue (Dylan, Springsteen, Cohen, Cash) inevitably influenced his decision. It took Sony’s Paul Rappaport all of five minutes at Sin-é – Buckley was singing a Van Morrison song at the time – to be convinced that Jeff was potentially a figure of equal stature.

Rappaport: “Donny Ienner [Columbia president] said to him, ‘I know you’re getting offered more money by Clive Davis [Arista] but I’m not going to give it to you, because it’ll mess your head up. I’ll give you half of that, and I’ll make a deal that we won’t pressure you.’” Sure enough, the first thing Columbia did after signing Buckley was… absolutely nothing. They left him alone for months. A hands-off policy was regarded as essential to his development.

“He still hadn’t written many songs,” Rappaport points out. “We had no idea, really, whether he could write or not.”

Brenda Kahn, a ‘punk-folk’ singer-songwriter on a Sony label called Chaos, was introduced to Buckley by her A&R man. She and Jeff giggled at the multi-million-dollar Manhattan world they’d accidentally infiltrated. “We both felt like, ‘What are we doing here? We belong on the Lower East Side.’ We were both in a giddy sort of realm.” They became friends (and briefly lovers), Kahn finding Buckley surprisingly precise – she uses the word ‘intentional’ – about all aspects of his creativity. He already knew the importance of leaving a legacy. He talked of needing to improve his lyrics. Kahn: “I was in awe of his abilities. Have you heard his recording of ‘Satisfied Mind’? The way his voice and guitar work together? I was like, ‘God! I can turn a phrase, but look what you can do.’ And he was like, ‘Sure, I can sing the crap out of anything, but how do I say it?’”

It was in Buckley’s nature to fluctuate between resolve and hesitation. On top of his ongoing worries about being sold to the public as Tim Buckley’s son, he was anxious to be perceived as a fan-based, credible artist, not some major-label hype. It was entirely characteristic of him to phone Nicholas Hill, who ran a 7” label, and tell him he wanted to record six indie singles immediately. It was also characteristic of him to change his mind and forget the conversation had ever happened.

Chris Dowd: “Jeff was the kind of person who was incredibly insecure about everything. His ability to play his instrument. His voice. When I first met him, he didn’t think he was good-looking. It was, ‘Women don’t like me,’ all this stuff. Later on, he was embarrassed to be voted one of People magazine’s ‘30 Most Beautiful People’. I think one part of him secretly dug it, but the other part – the artist, the musician – was like, ‘What a fucking goofy fag you are.’”

“He was a bit dorky,” says photographer Merri Cyr, who shot the covers of Live At Sin-é and Grace. “That’s what made him charming. I think he was initially unaware of the effect he had on other people. Later, though, he became much more savvy about how he behaved and presented himself. I remember he acquired a stalker or two. He was scrutinised and was in the public eye. His demeanour changed over time. Perhaps he became a bit suspicious of people.”

Live At Sin-é was recorded in July ’93. Buckley and Columbia agreed that a four-song live EP was a smart, subtle way to introduce him to the public and the media. Following several planning meetings at Columbia, he was about to spend six weeks at Bearsville Studios in Woodstock recording his first album. Chris Dowd: “Steve Berkowitz was being very protective of him. The pressure was probably more on Steve than Jeff. But the other thing is, Jeff could walk into a meeting with Donny Ienner and all the Sony people would be mesmerised by him. There’s no other word for it. They knew they’d signed a guy who was going to have a prolific, 30-year career. Fishbone were on the same damn label and we couldn’t get them to do anything. But Donny Ienner would have tattooed Jeff’s name on his penis if Jeff had told him to.”

With studio time at Bearsville booked, Buckley told producer Andy Wallace (Nirvana, Rollins Band) that he wanted to make a ‘band’ album. Wallace: “I thought that was a good idea. Over the course of a career, you want to reach out to more complex musical presentation, and he felt he wanted to do it right away.” Mick Grondahl (bass) and Matt Johnson (drums) were hand-picked because Jeff felt an affinity with them on both personal and musical levels. “He was very particular about who he was looking for,” says Nicholas Hill. “He wanted guys his own age who didn’t have baggage, who weren’t hot session guys. He’d done all that with Gary Lucas.”

Buckley, a brilliant guitarist, recorded most of the album’s guitar parts but invited Lucas – in a conciliatory gesture – to play on “Mojo Pin” and “Grace”. Buckley-written material rubbed shoulders with covers of “Hallelujah”, “Lilac Wine” and Benjamin Britten’s “Corpus Christi Carol”. It was rock meets Sin-é.

Chris Dowd was one of the first to hear it. “He had a cassette. He put on ‘Lilac Wine’. He was like, ‘I’m going to play you something… OK?’ I could see in his eyes he was insecure about what I was going to say. I started crying when I heard it. There I am, his fucking best friend, and he’s made this album and he doesn’t even believe how good it is. I was like, ‘What are you worried about, man?’ Either a song showed his depth of understanding as a musician, or it showed his sensitivity as a human being. There wasn’t a song out of place. That album became a sonnet for the tortured.”

Live At Sin-é was released in America in November ’93. But Columbia’s counterparts at Sony in London declined to follow suit, feeling the EP had no commercial potential. Instead it was given a UK release by Big Cat, which had signed a licensing deal with Columbia. The next step was to bring Buckley over to promote it. “We knew he was very good live – that’s how he was sold to us by the American company,” says Luc Vergier, a Frenchman who ran Columbia’s marketing in London. “We decided to put him on the road, on his own, for a short tour.”

Buckley arrived in the second week of March ’94 with his Telecaster and Fender amp. He played in Sheffield, flew to Dublin and then hit London for a series of gigs that are still spoken of in hallowed terms 19 years later. On one particular Friday night, he gave a three-hour performance in two different venues, beginning at Bunjies, the folk café, where he handed everyone a flower with mock solemnity as they took their seats. When Bunjies closed, Buckley led the audience (still with their flowers) to the nearby 12 Bar Club where he played for a further 90 minutes. He took requests, accepted a joint and sang until he almost collapsed off the stage. “Live At Sin-é came out on the Monday,” recalls Abbott, “and sold nearly 6,000 on the first day. The word of mouth from those two gigs was crazy.”

Buckley returned to the UK in August with his band. Five days after Grace was released, they played the Reading Festival in a mid-afternoon slot beneath Cud and Echobelly. In hindsight, their lowly billing symbolises the size of the mountain Buckley still had to climb, and the extent to which Grace would struggle to assert its identity – let alone its audacity – in the year of Parklife, Alice In Chains and Hootie & The Blowfish. There was a unspoken subtext to the ensuing 21-month tour: Columbia’s abiding disappointment with Grace’s sales in America.

“It never broke in an immediate way, the way other bands’ records did,” Mick Grondahl told Uncut. “It grew. To us, that was the point. We didn’t want to do something fashionable. We wanted to do something that had a nice feel to it. Feel was the key word. Never mind that it was this style or that style. It was more about, how does it feel? How does it touch you?”

One man who loved Grace was Jimmy Page. There was arguably no-one whose opinion Buckley valued more. He’d sung Zeppelin songs at Sin-é. He’d amused Tony Maimone at Gods And Monsters rehearsals by thumping out “When The Levee Breaks” on the drums. Buckley’s music on Grace, and in his band’s live shows, embraced androgynous vocals, ’70s rock, power chords and heroic drumming. One might even say there was a transference of Zeppelin energy taking place, a blessing or endorsement from afar, from the older men to the young. When Page and Buckley met, it was clear they understood each other on a profound level.

“Jeff told me they cried,” says Chris Dowd. “They actually cried when they met each other. Jimmy heard himself in Jeff, and Jeff was meeting his idol. Jimmy Page was the godfather of Jeff’s music. A lot of people thought Tim was the influence on Jeff, but it was really Zeppelin. He could play all the parts on all the songs. John Paul Jones’ basslines. Page’s guitar parts. The synthesiser intro on ‘In The Light’ – he could play it on guitar and it would sound just like it. And then he would get on the fucking drums and exactly mimic John Bonham.”

Perhaps Page also recognised in Buckley – whom he considered the greatest singer to have emerged in 20 years – a rare courage, an elemental intrepid streak, a fearlessness and a gung-ho spirit that allowed him to reach heights of expression that many of his ’90s contemporaries were too self-conscious to risk or too uninspired to imagine. In that sense, Buckley was a true son of Zeppelin. Matt Johnson, in a comment that is all the more poignant given the circumstances of Buckley’s death, remembers him as an adventurer in music and in life – a man “well suited to jumping into raw experience – unprotected, raw experience. He seemed to have a quicksilver flexibility and an ability to adjust.”

Since the day his body was found in the Mississippi River in June 1997, appreciation of Buckley has soared (“Grace was way more successful posthumously,” Johnson notes) and in many people’s eyes he’s become the timeless heritage artist that Columbia believed they’d signed in 1992. Others feel he was only just finding his feet. “It would have been amazing to hear his fourth or fifth album,” says Brenda Kahn. “I don’t think his music had been totally fleshed out yet.” Hal Willner thinks about that fifth album, too. What conceivable directions would Buckley’s voice and guitar have taken?

“I have to say he’s still hard for a lot of people to listen to,” Willner continues. “His mom, Mary, got me to edit together some tapes that he made in his early New York days. The stuff with Gary. And what was interesting about those tapes – what was really heartbreaking – was hearing him sing the way he sang when he came to New York. He changed it later… became less studied. But it’s hard to listen to it. It’s too sad.”

Buckley left his New York home on June 1, 1994 to tour Grace in America. “Keep the next year free,” the band were advised by George Stein, Buckley’s lawyer-manager, a comment they would later laugh about. First France became enchanted with them (two tours in ’95) and then Britain wanted them back. And even when they’d toured America twice, three times, and been to Japan, there was always Australia waiting in the distance.

[a-secondhand-sorrow]

one day we'll all get still

(ao3 link in the notes! title from a world alone by lorde)

The summer is quiet.

Impossibly quiet, really; it’s like the whole world decides to hold its breath and count to ten, like everyone is so used to the silence that the globe itself slows its rotations and stills, stretching out the days until everyone’s shadows are long on the sidewalks and the sky is painted in a million colors. The humidity in the air clings to everything and weighs it down until it rests on the burnt-out grass, watching, waiting.

Quiet is not quite a large enough word to encompass what the summer is.

Even in the hum of air conditioning units working overtime to provide some relief to those inside of their houses, there’s a peace that will never be felt in the autumn or the winter or the spring. That peace can’t be found unless you’re sitting with the sun hot on the back of your neck and the top of your head, full of worries, yes, but without any true care.

Zoe sits on one such day. Her converse stretches out into the street with her legs, and from where she perches on the curb, she can see only what is immediately in front of her: houses that look the same as the houses next to them, rows of minivans and gardenias and shrubbery. She hears the hum of the air conditioners and she wishes she were inside, benefiting from their overtime instead of sweating through her class t-shirt like the eggs everyone always jokes about cooking on the sidewalk, but she knows she won’t. Shouldn’t. Can’t. There is too much turmoil, too much dust settling, and she doesn’t want to choke and accidentally set off another mine.

Is this house her childhood home or a cleverly disguised game of Minesweeper? Probably both.

Someone sits next to her, and she knows it’s Evan before anything else. She’s always known when it’s him; she can sense the difference between him and everyone else with eerie clarity. Evan sits, as though there’s nowhere he’d rather be than sitting beside her on the dusty, rough curb. As though he were designed for this and nothing else. Zoe doesn’t quite look at him, but from the corner of her eye, she sees everything he does. She couldn’t stop seeing him if she tried.

He offers her his hand. In the grand scheme of things - of all the contact they’ve shared, hours they’ve clung to each other, years they’ve spent sharing beds and curling up on furniture and breathing in the same breaths - it’s nothing. But somehow it feels like something as she places her palm atop his, still not quite looking at him, and lets her fingers lock with his, trapping the heat between their sealed hands.

Because, in all the years before that, they were Zoe Murphy and Evan Hansen, all sharp elbows and gangly limbs and bare feet pounding on mid-July pavement and the faint smell of sugar that seemed to follow them everywhere. They were flickering street lamps illuminating nothing but some weeds poking through blacktop, hands covered in chalk and rainbows of drawings blooming across the crumbling sidewalks. They were the feeling of a playground ball rough under your uneven fingertips, and the sound of small hands tearing at the brittle, dried grass, and swinging so high up on a swing that the swingset groaned under the weight of it. They were handfuls of moments trickling from between their fingers like sand on a beach, a collection so bright and so mighty that it seemed inevitable it would explode.

But they were sixteen and seventeen, respectively, far from the days of running carefree without any adults to look after them. They would sometimes watch reruns of the Andy Griffiths’ Show at the Murphy’s with glasses of Cynthia’s town-famous lemonade (which was really just half a pack of Crystal Light mixed with lemon juice, though Cynthia admitted this in whispers so low and conspiratorial to both kids that they would think they were guarding a national treasure of a secret), and they joked that they were Opie - between Zoe’s huge, monument-like home with her parents and brother and Evan’s tiny, cluttered house where his mother was never home, always picking up another shift at the hospital an hour’s drive away in the city, they rarely had any adults checking their whereabouts or any home to post up in just like their 1960s idol. Their laughs are more restrained but no less bright as teenagers, their smiles just as wide but more difficult to coax out, the smatters of freckles dashed across their faces just as strong from hours spent in front of the sun.

Summer brings out the children in them, even though you have to squint to see it.

Summers also used to be spent loudly, all the kids in town creating a general hum of excitement and wonder at the warm days and short nights. But when the summer before Zoe’s junior year hits, there’s no laughter to be heard echoing down streets with the chimes of bike bells, no smacks or shattering sounds accompanying ball games on the elementary school’s playground, no fire hydrants busted open to give everyone an impromptu pool party. It’s like the town itself can sense that something bad is coming and has silenced itself preemptively, like by keeping everyone taciturn and silent nothing bad can befall them. It’s no peaceful silence, either. It’s a loud silence, one that takes up space in every crack in every road; and it leaves everything looking off-kilter. Heidi is gone almost constantly, and Larry and Cynthia’s blow-out fights have peaked at least three times a week, and Connor...well, Connor would always be a whole other story.

Despite the silence that weighs over the town like a blanket, Zoe is far from comforted by the town-wide hush. She’s filled with unbidden energy, leaving her restless and fidgety and ready to crawl out of her skin at almost every moment.

So she stands up, yanking Evan with her. He follows as though there is nothing else he’d rather do, as though she is the only force that can move him despite the fact that he stands a good 6 inches taller than her even slouched as he always is.

There’s a little cafe in the next town over. They rarely go there - there’s not exactly a reason to, since they can do just fine finding their own food, and it’s a ripoff anyway. But occasionally, when the oppressive heat (one only a small town and the height of the summer can create) forces them into their lightest clothes and has them practically tearing their hair out, they make the trek just for something to do.

That day, they take Zoe’s car - she’s technically not allowed to drive with just another teenager in the car, but no one’s enforced that for as long as Zoe can remember. So they drive in her shiny, brand-new black Audi with paint you could practically eat off of and blast Lorde with the windows firmly shut, singing along because they know every word. They’ve been living off of her two albums ever since they’ve come out, and she can’t help but smile as she thinks of all the hours spent stretched out on her back on Evan’s bedroom floor, giggling as he dramatically mimics her deep tone in Ribs or sitting on her back porch where he tries to sing Liability in a high falsetto, forcing her water come out her nose with the strength of her laughs. He’s quieter that day, but the whole summer has felt that way, not just him. Everyone seems to be pressed down but some invisible force, words poised on the tips of their tongues without ever breaking free.

Normally, she’d be clinging onto his arm or throwing some limb around him to drag him towards the café, but the temperature in her car reads a toasty 96 degrees before even factoring in the humidity. She settles for dramatically opening the door for him, hiding a wince when the smooth flesh of her palm grills against the sun-heated metal door.

At first sight, the café appears to be empty, but as they look for another moment they see patrons dotted at the tables; they’d blent so seamlessly in with the walls of the shop, as though they did nothing but sit there always, that their brains could not help but write them out of the initial picture. True to form, there is no one behind the counter, but Zoe and Evan wait in front of it all the same; there was a chime when the door opened, and they are far too used to the way businesses operate when there’s little demand to expect anything more than this.

A woman barely three years older than them emerges from the back some minutes later while looking as though she stepped out from a sepia photo. Like the customers, she blends in. When she greets them, her voice is full of false cheer even though she seems to be wilting at the edges just like the poppies in their planters on the sidewalk.

“Hi,” Zoe replies, tearing her eyes away from the small menu nailed to the wall. “Uh, could I have a small blackberry iced tea and-” she glances at Evan, who fiddles with his shirt and lets his eyes jump around the air beside the server and decides to order for him. “And a small English Breakfast tea with cream?”

When the color-void server returns with the drinks and they take them out to the car, he thanks her from the passenger seat, but she just shushes him and starts up the ignition.

Zoe glances at him a lot over their drive home. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before, but she still can’t stop. She can’t help but think that he’s so wildly different and so completely the same as he’s always been, even uncharacteristically silent on a car ride. He reaches one hand to adjust the sound on “A World Alone” and Lorde’s voice swells with his fingers twisting the dial.

“Maybe people are jerks, but not you.”

He starts to hum, then. His hair starts to fall into one eye, but he doesn’t move it; he simply taps one hand against his thigh. Between sips of tea, he hums a harmony to Lorde’s main melody, and the sound soothes her heart more than anything else. His lashes flutter against his cheek as they get into the chorus.

“You’re my best friend and we’re dancing in this world alone...”

At once, Evan sputters out a “Zoe!” around a mouth of tea and she slams the break just in time to see the red light bright above them. A horn beeps one long, prolonged honking sound from the intersection immediately to their right.

Evan speaks, his voice pitching up to be high and breathless. “Could’ve been worse, I guess.”

She’s reminded, suddenly, of the time after Connor’s birthday party in middle school when they helped her parents take down the blue and white balloons taped up everywhere. Evan had untied one of the balloons, his fingers exceptionally nimble for someone so incapable of staying still, and inhaled the helium inside so he’d get a funny voice, and Zoe followed suit. His voice is almost the same in her car, albeit from fear rather than helium, but she gets a sudden urge to laugh anyway.

“I guess so,” she says at length, and before she knows it the two of them are looking at each other and laughing. “I’m - I’m sorry, I did not mean to do that-”

“Ah, really? I thought you were finally acting on your plans to get rid of me.”

She pulls a face. “For what motive?”

He grins quickly before it fades again. “Annoyance.” Evan points ahead of them towards the light, which is newly returned to green. “Speaking of which, if we don’t want to get honked at or rear-ended…”

“This town would,” she mutters darkly, resuming her driving.

Pulling into the Murphy’s driveway is achingly familiar. Her mom’s tiny silver sedan gleams in the sun, contrasting the freshly-trimmed grass nicely. The imposing white of their house seems to melt into the air around it, making all edges soft and fuzzy as though distorted through water. (“You could swim through this air,” she remarks lightly as she steps out of the car, and going by Evan’s small yuk of disgust, he agrees.) Her car slides to a stop across the uneven gravel of their driveway, and with that, their journey is over.

They practically glide past the perfectly-manicured shrubs and flowers, moving determinedly towards the door. Although Zoe’s key is warm in her hand, the condensation from her iced tea still cooling on her palm, the door is hot enough to burn and scar. It takes a moment for her to brave the temperature and open it.

The sunlight reflects harshly off of the freshly-painted white walls, nearly blinding them as they stumble in. Zoe blinks as she makes her way down the hallway, letting the sound of her sneakers against the hardwood ensure her that she moved in the right direction. Her vision starts to adjust just as she enters the kitchen, Evan just behind her.

Connor is in the kitchen, clearly intending to pass her and take the route out the front door, but when he catches sight of Zoe and Evan he stops short with his hands rested in the pockets of his black hoodie. The siblings freeze at the same time, memories of a thousand old fights in the kitchen surfacing at once.

The problem with their fights is that neither seeks them out. They don’t know a storm is coming until the wind knocks them down.

“Hey, Connor,” Evan says, his hands already jumping to his shirt hem, probably in an attempt to diffuse the sudden tension in the air.

Connor nods briefly in Evan’s direction. He might mutter a “hey” back, but if he does it’s barely audible. He watches her as though gauging her mood when she finally regains control of her limbs and crosses to the kitchen table. She’s watching him, too, even if she’s more subtle about it. The July heat still clings to her skin, and it’s all she can think of as she looks at Connor’s outfit.

“You’re going to broil to death in that, Con,” she says before she can think to do otherwise. She stiffens almost immediately, and suddenly she can look anywhere in the room except her brother. Mentally shaking her head, she forces her hand to move and drop her sunglasses to the table, an action that is too nonchalant for the sudden tense air in the room. She just lets her fingers curl around her tea and waits with unavoidable acceptance for the blow-up to happen.

But it never comes.

“You’re going to burn to a crisp in that outfit,” is all Connor mutters in reply. Zoe gets the sudden urge to grin, but she suppresses it, electing instead to glance down at her tank top and shorts combo.

“There’s, like, a 90 percent humidity rate.”

Zoe finally meets Connor’s eye, and she could swear his muscles twitch as if with the urge to smile. “You, like, burn to a crisp in two seconds of sunlight.”

“That’s true,” Evan says just as Zoe exclaims that she “doesn’t burn,” she “freckles.”

She just throws a faux glare in his direction, examining the dark, freckled skin of her forearm at the same time. Curse her brother and his ability to not burn in the sun; despite their skin being the same shade, she was infinitely more susceptible to the sun’s strength.

Connor clears his throat suddenly. “Well,” he says, with a brief nod. “I’ll just…” and, with that, he slips out the front door.

Zoe shakes her head in his wake, clutching her tea tighter. She looks at Evan. His mouth is shaped as though he’s about to say something, but she brushes past him to move towards the stairs, effectively cutting him off. Footsteps sound behind her on every stair, so she knows he follows.

He trails after her into her pastel-splashed room, shutting the door behind them. Cynthia or Larry being home is unlikely, but the illusion of privacy is nice all the same. She crosses the carpeted floor to crack a window open almost immediately, nearly spilling her drink in the process. Her room is stiflingly hot, leaving the air clinging damply to them. Evan pulls a face, falling into the desk chair while completely indifferent to the fact that it’s covered in hoodies.

“I forgot your room is actually a greenhouse,” he says, watching as she feels the slightly cooler air from outside settle on her cheeks.

“It’s like the air conditioning is actively avoiding it,” she agrees. She turns back around to face him, leaning against the window sill and readjusting her drink in hand.

The edges of Evan’s dark brows pull together, and she sees as his jaw clenches and unclenches in rapid succession. “So, with C-”

“No,” she cuts him off before he can even begin. “I don’t think I can…”

Although she’s used to how heavy her head feels in the summer, the weight of her curls feels heavier than normal, and she tugs at the ends near her shoulders uncomfortably. When she doesn’t move them, they cling to her shoulder blades and refuse to budge. Evan’s eyes, the infinite pools like aged whiskey that are almost as intoxicating that she knows so well, study her as she fidgets until he can’t take it anymore and looks away. “Of course,” is all he says in response.

She drains the last of her tea and tosses it into the trashcan in one fluid motion.

At some point she puts some music on, no longer trusting Evan’s music taste even with her continued influence on him. They shift from activity to activity as they always do, sometimes speaking and sometimes just enjoying being with another person. Dodie’s voice fades to Paramore fades to Jasmine Cephas Jones fades to Hozier and then Zoe grabs her guitar to play along while perched on the edge of her bed. Evan, with his voice of an angel, sings as best as he can, laughing at the low notes and his attempts at a falsetto.

She’s so used to this, the notes of her guitar and the timbre of his laugh and the duvet under her legs, but in a summer that has felt entirely shifted just left of what she feels it should be something feels off all the same. Evan joins her on the bed, crossing his legs under him like a little kid, and she’s so used to being close to him but like everything else it feels different. More charged. More conscious. Like if she’s not careful she’ll tilt and land directly where she knows she can never be, her hands settling at the base of his jaw and sliding over his skin and his hair until there’s even less space between them.

They fall asleep on top of the covers of her bed anyway, sometimes after they tire themselves of singing. Their bodies manage to curl just short of each other, just as they’ve been sleeping since they were little kids. Zoe drifts off without any blankets or even a pillow under her head since it’s far too hot for anything on her. Her fingertips lightly brush Evan’s and that’s the last sensation she is aware of. Similarly, she’s vaguely aware of the fact that he pulls away at some point, and she feels his absence like the weight of a necklace around her throat, but although she’s aware of it, she isn’t roused till the taps come from her window.

She mentioned, once, that she wanted to be awoken one night with someone throwing rocks at her window while she was still in high school. Zoe never thought Evan would do more than laugh it off, but she’s proven wrong that night. The clock is barely gone eleven when quick, insistent taps sound at her windowpane, and she rouses - she’s always been a light sleeper. Evan’s grinning face meets her gaze from about four feet below her, and she takes a minute-long detour to throw a flannel on and brush her teeth before coming back to the window with a bottle of red wine she knows her parents won’t notice is missing. She drops down the half-flight and lands like a cat on her feet.

Well, not quite. She feels her ankle buckle beneath her as her converse make contact with the ground, and her whole body follows it. Letting out an involuntary hiss, she reaches her free hand to Evan and he’s in front of her before she can fall at all, his hands finding her elbows and hoisting her upright. She and Evan are genuinely worried she’s hurt it for a moment, and she hops into a more-standing position while leaning on Evan and bouncing on her good foot. But the pain passes quickly, and Evan laughs once he’s sure she’s okay.

“Wow, such an adult,” he says as she brandishes the bottle for him. She lightly shoves at his shoulder and just tells him to lead the way to wherever they’re going.

Evan is in rare form; he’s never this confident, surging forward along cracked sidewalks only half-illuminated in the dim streetlights the town never decides to fix. One flickers out as they pass beneath it, and she almost stumbles before he reaches out and wraps an arm around her waist. She leans into the touch, letting out an involuntary shudder that she blames on the night chill, and they continue the walk in the same fashion.

When Zoe sees the familiar sign of Ellison Park, she just looks to him, her eyebrows furrowing, but he grabs her free hand and drags her through their normal haunts in the park - the huge oak towards the entrance, the lone statue of a kid reading a book, a bench Zoe once got stung by a bee on - and through a thick crop of trees.

“If I get triple E from a goddamn mosquito, I’m blaming you,” she grumbles, swatting at imaginary bugs.

He shrugs, still leading her to destinations unknown. “Go for it.”

She has another snarky reply posed on the top of her tongue, but it slides away as they break away onto what appears to be the side of a hill surrounded by trees. Above them, the stars shine down as though to smile at them, brighter than anywhere else in town. The whole place is bathed in a faint silver light like something out of a dream.

“Holy shit,” she breathes, but it comes out croaky and near-silent because her breath can’t find its way out around the lump that has grown in her throat. “What is this place?”

Evan shrugs as a small half-smile crops onto his face. “Found it the other day. I can’t believe we haven’t seen it before.”

Wordlessly, Zoe trails over to the slight incline, letting herself flop over until she lies sprawled on her back. “Holy shit,” she says again, beckoning him over. He’s over in an instant, lying at a slight angle to her so his head is right below hers and his feet trail away to her left. “I haven’t seen Orion since I was a kid…”

And that’s how time moves, for them. The bottle of wine passes between them like a game of hot potato and Zoe points out constellations she knows Evan can’t see, even when he tries his best. There is nothing to do but lay there with your best friend and see the universe stretched out in front of you, and Zoe is all at once breathlessly thankful for this little town and its glacial pace.

“It looks so peaceful out there,” he mumbles as the wine starts to take effect in her brain.

She turns her face away from the sky for the first time that night; she’d felt his gaze on the side of her face while she spoke, even when he pretended to be looking at the constellations, but now he really seems to just be looking at the stars. The silvery light gives his dark skin an almost pearlescent sheen, and Zoe thinks he’s never looked so beautiful as he does then, all the glow of the moon captured in his face and the shine of the stars reflected in his deep brown eyes like a long-lost galaxy.

For a moment, she wonders if she’s been wrong this whole time. Maybe she’d thought she was looking at the sky when the whole sky she’d ever need was inches from her face.

“Like everything is where it’s meant to be,” he continues, indifferent to the way her thoughts have derailed. “Balanced. Purposeful. On some...predestined track, just thousands of particles and stars and novas being drawn together so we have something to look at and know that something larger exists.”

He doesn’t turn to face her, but she wishes he would. Zoe longs to feel his breath hot against her cheek like an errant star falling from the sky, to feel the tingle of his lips so close to the skin of her face that entire galaxies bloom across her skin, to feel the star shine words he utters without any air between them. She wishes he would turn his face, let their noses brush in some pseudo kiss. She wishes he would kiss her, or she would kiss him, but they’re caught in limbo instead.

And, tipsy under the stars in Ellison Park, Zoe reckons with the fact that she might be a little in love with Evan Hansen.

[nerdypinupcrystal]

Every Breath You Take Chapter 4: Modern Love

I’m baaaack! Thanks again for following and reblogging this story! I love all of you!!! We’ve got a nice lengthy chapter here, with a lot more interaction between Matt and Iris.  This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you enjoy it! Btw, to set the mood for the chapter, listen to Modern Love by David Bowie while reading :)

Chapter 4: Modern Love

After spending the next couple of hours chatting and setting up my new employment, I remembered I needed to do some real grocery shopping.  The bakery started getting a bit busy, so after a quick hug and exchange of phone numbers, I walked out of Sweet Heaven feeling accomplished and excited to start my new job the next morning.

Oh how I wish I could call Mom right now and tell her the good news. God I’ve missed her so much. I felt horrible for not going to visit her as soon as I came to the city. But it wasn’t safe enough yet. I couldn’t risk going and being recognized. What if he found out somehow and something ended up happening to her?

It’s not safe yet, but it will be. Just have to lay low a little longer, then you and Mom will be okay.

Setting those thoughts aside before I could lose myself to them, I set out for the nearest grocery store.

The sun was setting as I walked out of the store carry a few bags of groceries. As I walked down the sidewalk to head home, I spotted a little antique store to my left. A few things to give the apartment a little personality wouldn’t hurt.  With that being reason enough for me, I turned towards the shop and welcomed myself in.

The store was small, cluttered, and it smelled as old as the antiques and knickknacks it was carrying. I might become a regular here.

The house I lived in before was like a museum. All glass and marble,very cold and beautiful, and I wasn’t allowed to touch anything without his permission. I hated that house. It was the “best house on the beach” and I fucking hated it. So now that I was out of there, I became determined to make my home everything that house wasn’t. Everything he looked down his nose at, I wanted to make the center of attention.

I found some books that were still in good condition; Interview with the Vampire, Frankenstein, The Complete Fiction of H.P. Lovecraft, The Complete Tales And Poems of Edgar Allan Poe. That collection of gothic literature was definitely going home with me. I suddenly remembered the groceries in my hands and realized I couldn’t get much today, but I would definitely be going back tomorrow.

As I was walking towards the register to pay, something out the corner of my eye caught my attention. To my right was a table with an array of CDs of different artists ranging from David Bowie to Wanda Jackson. And among this vast collection of music sat a small stereo for sale. It was a combination cassette/CD player that looked to be in decent condition.

It didn’t hit me until now just how much I’ve missed listening to music I loved. He always hated my “juvenile” taste in music, so he made me get rid of all of my albums. He only liked classical music, especially that one horrible symphony he insisted on playing constantly, and had always given me the chills.

Well he’s not here now. And you don’t have to ever hear that terrible music ever again. You know you want your music back. Take it!

Without a second thought, I reached for the stereo and grabbed as many CDs as I could carry; thanking God once again for remembering to take my backpack with me today.  After I paid, I stuffed my new treasures in my backpack, carrying the stereo by the handle along with my groceries, and headed towards home.

As I was getting closer to the apartment building, I felt a shiver down my spine. I was being watched again. I tensed up as I stopped and looked all around me, again not seeing anyone suspicious. I looked up at the roof, only this time it truly was empty up there with not a soul in sight.

I let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding, and turned to get to the entrance.  I turned too quickly though, and crashed into a wall of muscle.

“Oh shit!” I yelped as I blindly tripped over our feet and my ass was about to get acquainted with the ground.

At least that would’ve been the case, if the wall of muscle in question hadn’t have caught me faster than I could blink, just a foot away from hitting the pavement.  I looked up at my savior, only to have my jaw drop at seeing the familiar red sunglasses and heart-stopping smile of Matt Murdock.

“Ms. Roberts, I thought we were supposed to worry about me suing you, not the other way around.” He said with a smile but with a concerned tone in his voice.

God, why are you testing me when it comes to this criminally gorgeous man?

I let out a nervous giggle. “Well, Mr. Murdock, if you would just wear a bell around your neck once in a while, maybe I’d hear you and not bump into you every single time we meet.”

He let out a chuckle, sending exciting shivers through my body, giving me goosebumps. “You know, you’re not the first one to suggest I wear a bell around my neck. Maybe I should consider it.”

“Well I’ll be on the lookout for a nice red bell to match your glasses.” I replied, causing him to let out a full laugh, making the shivers running through me even more intense.

“If you get one, I might actually wear it…” he trailed off in thought. “Some day.”

I rolled my eyes and giggled, “People always say “some day” when they actually mean “no chance in Hell”. That kind of defeats the purpose of getting the bell.” I raised my eyebrow at him expectantly as I continued, “You want to try that again, Mr. Murdock?”

Matt looked deep in thought before he leaned in closer, his warm breath making my face heat up like a furnace and my heart racing at ludicrous speed.

He replied with a sly smirk. “Some day.”

“Oh!” I let out an exaggerated gasp like I was insulted and lightly smacked his shoulder with the hand that was holding the small stereo, causing him to laugh once more.  

God, he has a beautiful laugh.  Oh damn it, snap out of it!

I snapped out of my thoughts and took a second to realize we never moved from our spot. He was still holding me in his arms a foot away from the ground.  He held me in what could be a very romantic dip as if we were dancing. My heart raced even faster at the images dancing in my head. I felt his grip tighten around me.

I cleared my throat to break the suddenly intimate moment. “We should probably move out of the way.”

I felt his fingers tighten slightly at my back before clearing his throat as well to reply, “Yeah, sorry, you’re probably right. We should head inside.”

With that, he stood up from his lunge that he held in position for who knows how many minutes (I refused to think about how strong and muscular his thighs must be) and helped me up along. My body lost the warmth it felt while being held in his muscular arms. I felt safe in those arms.

I shook myself out of my daydreaming when I saw two of my grocery bags were on the ground.

Matt must’ve sensed my movement towards the bags.  “Oh Iris, I’m sorry! Here, let me help you.” He said as he crouched down to reach for the bags.

“Oh no, Matt, it’s okay.” I tried to grab the bags first. “I’ve got this.”

But Matt was quicker as he got a hold on the bags before I could touch a strap. “No, please, Iris. I insist. It’s the least I can do after I knocked you off your feet.” He said with an apologetic, but still beautiful smile.

More like swept me off my feet, you mean.

“Well okay, when you put it like that.” Was all I could say without blurting out my inner thoughts.  

“Shall we?” He asked as he held out his arm for me to take, the chivalrous gentleman that he is.

Damn it, Matt! You’re making it harder trying to keep my distance. And making it too damn easy to fall for you, and I barely even know you!

I shook off my inner thoughts and chuckled at the chivalrous gesture as I accepted his arm. “Why yes, we shall. Lead the way, Mr. Murdock.”

“I believe I asked you to call me Matt, Iris,” Matt said with a smirk as we started walking towards the entrance. “And besides, it’s probably not safe for me to do the leading. Call it a hunch.”

I shook my head and giggled at his constant blind jabs. “Fine then, I’ll do the leading, Matt.”

“Well now I think that’s even worse.” Matt’s smirk grew even wider as he commented.

“Wise ass.” I replied, failing to stop my laughter as we entered the building and walked towards the elevator.

We made it up to our floor without further incident. It wasn’t until we came close to my apartment that I realized Matt was still holding my groceries.

I turned to retrieve my groceries from him, “Thanks so much for your help, Matt. I can take it from here.”

However, Matt rebutted, “Nonsense, my lovely neighbor. I can help carry them into your place, if that’s okay of course.”

I hesitated for a minute. I wasn’t sure how to feel about having a man I barely know inside my private home. On the other hand, Matt’s a really nice guy and has given me no reason not to trust him. So far.

“Um, yeah sure,” I finally replied. “Come on in.”

I unlocked the door and allowed Matt inside first. I followed after, leaving the door open. Just in case.

“The counter is about five steps to your right, you can set them down there.” I told him as I made my way over to the counter.

Matt seemed to appreciate the gesture. “Thank you,” he smiled as he walked towards the counter. “Not many people are courteous enough to give helpful tips like that.”

I smiled and replied as I unpacked my groceries, “My mom’s blind. I grew up knowing how be helpful and respectful better than some people.” I figured giving him that one honest thing about me couldn’t hurt.

Matt smiled in understanding. “That must’ve been a challenge growing up.”

I shook my head, “It was at first when I was really little and didn’t quite understand yet, but she’s always been fiercely independent.  She never had too hard of a time being able to do anything without sight.”

“She sounds like an amazing woman.” Matt said with admiration in his voice.

I smiled with pride, “She really is.  I’ve missed her so much.”

Matt frowned, “Oh, I’m sorry. Did she…”

I knew what he was asking and was quick to reply, “Oh no! Not yet, thank God.” I saw Matt relax with relief as I continued, “She’s in a nursing home. She had a stroke.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” Matt replied. “Have you gone to see her since you moved here?”

I shook my head in disappointment, “Not yet. I…” I don’t think it’s safe “I want to get settled in my new job first. Which I just got today.” I concluded, wanting to change the subject before I said too much.

Matt seemed to go along with it as he responded, “Oh, that’s great! Where at?”

“This really cute little bakery on the corner of 57th street, so not too far from here. It’s called Sweet Heaven.” I smiled thinking about my exciting new job.

Matt tilted his head in an amused smirk, “The irony of that name is not lost on me.”

I let out a laugh when I got what he meant. “Well the owner does have a quirky sense of humor.” I started putting my groceries away as I continued talking, “Maybe you and Foggy can stop by sometime. The treats are pretty addicting, and I can already recommend some of my favorites.”

Matt chuckled as he replied, “I’m definitely going to take you up on that. Foggy has a hell of a sweet tooth.” He then frowned as he continued, “I’m sorry for how blunt he was earlier, by the way. He tends to speak first and think later.”

I blushed in embarrassment from how I acted that morning. “It’s alright. I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly. Twice now.” I hesitated before I continued with some vague honesty, “I’m going through some stuff right now, that I really don’t want to talk about, and I’ve just been on edge, to say the least.”

Good. Giving him a little bit of truth without the actual details will feel less like lying, and hopefully be enough for him to not ask any questions.

Matt nodded in understanding as it felt like his eyes were staring into mine. “It’s alright, I understand completely.” He stepped closer towards me, stopping at a much closer, but still respectable distance. “And if you ever need any kind of help, or at least someone to talk to, I’m a really good listener. You’re a really nice girl to have as a neighbor, and if it’s alright with you, I’d like to be your friend.” He finished with sweet, gentle smile.

My heart was beating so fast, I thought it would beat out of my chest. He sounded so sweet and sincere, and already treated me with more respect than I’ve ever been treated, it was taking everything in me not to cry.

I cleared my throat to swallow the lump as I replied, “Thank you, Matt. I’d love to be your friend.” He flashed me his beautiful smile that shone even brighter than I’ve ever seen it so far.

“Well since we’re friends now, it’s only right that you make it up to me for running off twice in a row and hurting my feelings in the process.” He smirked, breaking the emotional and tense moment with his humor.

I let out a laugh, “Okay, you got me.  What are your terms, council?”

Matt’s eyebrow raised as he held his smirk, “Starting on lawyer jokes, huh? I can see I’m starting to rub off on you.”

Please don’t talk about rubbing anything off on me after we’ve just become friends. I’m testing myself enough as it is.

Matt continued, “How about you make it up to me by joining me for dinner tomorrow night?”

My heart stopped. I should’ve expected him to say that, but I didn’t.  The idea of a dinner alone with him made me thrilled, but also really nervous at the intimacy of it all.  But we’d just become friends, and I felt I could trust him.

“Um, sure! I’d love to.” That provoked another brilliant smile from him, causing me to smile along with him. “What did you have in mind?”

He shrugged, “Not sure yet. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, ok?  I might take you up on your suggestion and stop by the bakery.”

I smiled in relief as I replied, “Sounds good. I’m there from 8 till 4 tomorrow, so you can stop by anytime between that time.”

“Sounds great. I look forward to seeing you there.” My eyebrow raised at his funny choice of words. The man loved his blind jokes. He chuckled as he continued, “Well I’ve taken up enough of your time, and I have some work to do, so I’ll get out of your hair.”

I smiled as I walked him towards the still open door. “Okay, thanks again, Matt. It was really nice talking to you.”

Matt turned to face me as he smiled at me, “It was nice talking to you, Iris. Have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I giggled and replied, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Don’t work too hard.”

Matt smirked as he made the short walk to his apartment, “I make no promises.”

I rolled my eyes in amusement, “Well then don’t hurt yourself from working too hard.”

He still held that sexy smirk as he replied, “I can’t make promises on that either.”

I laughed, not knowing how true that statement could be. “Goodnight, you workaholic!” I heard him say it back as I closed the door.

Before I went back to putting my groceries away, I decided to try out the stereo. I plugged it in and popped in David Bowie’s greatest hits. As I pressed play, my attention drew to the cupboard and I noticed that I had stacked the cans in perfect, pristine order, with the labels facing out in perfect unison.

Just the way he liked it.

I must’ve been so caught up in talking to Matt, that I stacked them on autopilot. Before I could lose myself in another painful memory, I faintly heard the familiar riffs of Modern Love. My favorite song.

He’s not here to take it away from you. He can’t punish you for listening to it. You’re free. You’re safe. Now turn up the volume and knock those fucking cans down!

Feeling more determined, I turned up the volume loud enough to fill the empty space, and proceeded to happily knock the pristine cans off alignment. My giggles grew louder and louder as I knocked each can into the cupboard until it was a wonderful, unorganized mess.

My heart felt light as a feather, I felt the sudden urge to dance. So I did.

I danced like I was Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club, I did clumsy cartwheels in my living room, I jumped up on the couch and danced on the cushions, and I sang loud and proud to the lyrics I haven’t heard in so long.

But I try I try Never going to fall for (Modern Love) Walks beside me (Modern Love) Walks on by (Modern Love) Gets me to the Church on Time (Church on Time) Terrifies me (Church on Time) Makes me party (Church on Time) Puts my trust in God and Man (God and Man) No confessions! (God and Man) No religion (God and Man) Don't believe In Modern Love

This was the first real fun I’d had in years, I sang and danced like no one was watching. I was too lost in the music that I didn’t notice the familiar dark figure standing on the rooftop across from my window watching over me with a smile on his face.

I woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed and relaxed than ever. I jumped out of bed and quickly got myself all pretty and ready for my first day at work.

I didn’t see Matt as I left the apartment, so I assumed he was at work already. I couldn’t wait to see him later today.

It seemed like time had gone by fast as Lucy was training me. We were having such a good time working together, I didn’t realize it was almost noon. And no sign of Matt yet.

I was wiping the counter, feeling anxious, when I heard the bell ring from the door opening.

“Hi, welcome to Sweet Heaven! How may I help you?” I greeted before I looked up and recognized the two familiar faces. One being the cool red shades and dazzling smile of Matt Murdock, the other being the blonde teddy bear known as Foggy Nelson. “Oh hey, guys!” I grinned.

“Hello, lovely Iris, and what a glorious Heaven it is!” Exclaimed Foggy with excitement.

I giggled in reply, “Well, just wait until you’ve had a bite. You’ll really be in Heaven then!” I turned towards Matt and smiled even brighter. “Hi, Matt.”

He smiled back, “Hi, Iris. How’s your first day going so far?”

“So far so good!” I replied. “We had a slight breakfast rush this morning, but it’s mellowed out for now. And you’ll be happy to know that I haven’t burned anything even once!” I finished, feeling very proud of myself.

Matt let out a laugh, “I’m very impressed, Ms. Rogers. I’m glad I don’t have to worry about filing a lawsuit for burnt pastries anytime soon.” He said with a sly smirk.

I rolled my eyes with a chuckle, “Don’t jinx me! The day is still young, Mr. Murdock.”

I heard the familiar steps of a stunning brunette amazon walking up behind me as she cut in, “What’s this I’m hearing about lawsuits, Iris?” Lucy asked as she stood next to me. “Don’t tell me I’m losing you already! I just trained you on how to preserve the bodies properly in the freezer. You can’t take that away from me!” She said, being so serious with her dramatics, I didn’t know if the guys understood she was joking.

I laughed as I played along, “Don’t worry, Lucy. The bodies will continue being looked after properly.” She sighed in relief. I heard Matt’s hypnotizing laugh as I gestured toward the two lawyers. “I’d like you to meet my friends Matt Murdock and Foggy Nelson. They’re lawyers, so be careful what you say in front of them.” I said with my own amused smirk.

Lucy smiled at the gentlemen, and especially waves flirtatiously at a certain blushing blonde teddy bear.

“Guys,” I continued the introductions, “This beautiful woman is Lucy Addams, the owner of this literal piece of Heaven.”

Lucy stepped out from behind the counter to shake hands with the handsome men as I followed to join them.

“It’s very nice to meet you, gentlemen.” Lucy said as she held up her hand, Matt being the first to take it.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you as well, Ms. Addams.” He said with his charming smile. “I’ve heard your bakery is amazing, and I’m really looking forward to trying some of your desserts.”

Lucy smiled, “Why thank you, Mr. Murdock. I hope you enjoy it, especially the treats Iris has baked herself.” She gestured towards me.

“I’m sure I’ll love them.” He smirked in my general direction. “And please, like I’ve told Iris several times before, call me Matt. We don’t need to be so formal.”

We shared a laugh as Lucy replied, “As long as you call me Lucy.” She then turned towards Foggy, who I had just realized was completely silent ever since Lucy came out. “And you must be Foggy, isn’t that right, handsome?” She smiled flirtatiously at him.

Silence. Foggy stood silently in a daze, looking at Lucy with the closest thing to “heart eyes” I’ve ever seen. I failed to hold back my snort of amusement.

Matt “subtly” nudged Foggy back to earth, knocking him out of his daze.  

“Hi!” Foggy squeaked as he gently shook her hand, “I’m Foggy Addams- Nelson! Foggy Nelson. You’re so beautiful- I mean it’s beautiful to meet you!” He stammered, his face getting redder and redder.

I was snorting like a pig, I tried so hard not to laugh and embarrass the poor love struck man even further. Matt appeared to be struggling as well, his lips tightening, failing to keep a straight face in front of his friend.

Lucy just smiled, her cheeks reddening. “It’s beautiful to meet you, too, Foggy.” The blonde teddy bear let out a giggle, while he was still holding her hand. Lucy continued, “And as for the last name, let’s have some treats and get to know each other first.” She winked.

Foggy’s eyes widened as his hand went limp, finally letting go of her hand. Matt and I stood and witnessed Lucy leading Foggy by the hand towards the desserts while he kept his heart eyes on her and followed her lead like a lost puppy.

Foggy had it bad. I looked over at Matt, my heart racing as I stared at his contagious smile.

I’m right there with you, Foggy.

Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to reblog and leave some feedback!! *Kiss noise*

@jobean12-blog @cametobuyplums @tomhollandeu @emilymarie0422

[trainthief]

Hey I was wondering if you'd ever consider doing like a top 20 fav classical music albums or composers list or something. Obviously if that just sounds stressful disregard this but I know you are like, into classical music & I grew up with my parents playing it & recently got, like, into the classical station but aside from like 3 artists I like I don't know where to start & I like your blog and would be interested in hearing about like, your taste

Sorry for responding to this so late, I’ve had a real week and I wanted to make sure I had time to put some thought into answering this ask. I’d definitely love to help, I always like recc’ing classical stuff to people! The idea of 20 absolute all time favorites is a difficult one for me because I love so much stuff and it’s really difficult to compare like… Caroline Shaw’s modern experimental chorale stuff to Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos. Anyway, instead I will give you some full length pieces in different styles that I think are great for new listeners, and explain a little about what each one is doing and what I love about it, and some more pieces I recommend if you enjoy what you’re hearing. Hopefully that will help! 

In no particular order: 

Appalachian Spring by Copland: Let’s just get this one out of the way up front. If you’ve been following me for any amount of time at all, you know I’m deeply in love with Copland. He essentially invented the American compositional style by adding jazz elements to the established practices, which caused an absolute uproar at the beginning of his career as people then considered it an unholy mix of high and low culture. He doubled down on this concept when he wrote “Fanfare For The Common Man” which essentially stands as a celebration of the working class and those who couldn’t afford to see the symphony anyway. He was, I should also note, both gay and Jewish. A real icon. Anyhow, although I love so much of his work and could go on forever, I consider listening to Appalachian Spring in its entirety a spiritual experience, no exaggeration. Take it on a hike, listen to it while you look at the trees and think about whatever crosses your mind, and by the time the Coda hits you… well I personally can’t tell you what experience to have, but I feel for a second like I can see and be seen. Anyway, aside from that, just good music, very pretty. If you’d like similar music that incorporated jazz effectively into classical work, I’d of course recommend another favorite of mine: Rhapsody in Blue by Gershwin. 

Russian Easter Festival by Rimsky-Korsakov: As a general rule of thumb, Russian composers are ALWAYS good for some drama. This piece in particular is great because it’s not only fanfare and excitement, there’s a touch of pastoral calmness that I really love (more on that as a concept later) at the beginning, but we still get plenty of wildness. There’s a frantic octave part the violins play around minute 5 that always makes me want to scream. If you like this, I’d also recommend checking out Rimsky-Korsakov’s Capriccio Espagnol. The man knows how to write sexy. 

Romance in D by Berkey: I recommend this partially because it’s a lesser known and very beautiful piece, and also because it’s a good lead-in to a whole subset of classical called Furniture Music. Essentially called that - originally by the composer Satie - because it’s nice to put on in the background. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still fun to listen to, and from a compositional and performance standpoint it can still be very impressive. But it’s just good and calming and you could certainly sip tea to it in the restaurant area of a ritzy 1920’s hotel while you read a novel and ignore your rich husband asking if you’d like any marmalade. A good example of the same effect is the soundtrack to Phantom Thread. It’s also good for studying. If you like that conceptually, I’ve got a whole playlist here. 

Pictures at an Exhibition by Mussorgsky: A really excellent intro to classical and one of my favorite works, AND like the last one, also a lead-in to an informal format. Pictures was written with the idea that each song was a separate painting that the listener could imagine they were looking at in a museum. For that reason, each one has a different style and personality, and feels very descriptive and exciting. A collection of small related pieces is called a suite, but I haven’t yet been able to find a technical name for that specific kind of storytelling structure within a suite. It’s not uncommon though, and in that same vein I’d also recommend The Planets by Holst (about the planets, as you might assume), and Carnival of the Animals by Saint Saens (about… yeah you get it). 

Spem in Alium by Tallis: We’re taking a wild left turn now and veering into the Christian choral tradition dating back to the 1500s. Like anyone else who isn’t even a Christian, there’s a few things about Catholicism that I’m obsessed with. Namely the hymns and the stained glass. Focusing only on the hymns, Tallis is one of the best examples of polyphonic hymnal work. Polyphonic, essentially, means that the different voices in the piece are moving around each other and will frequently change their notes in a way that will compliment - but is not necessarily in line with - the direction of the piece as a whole. It makes more sense if you just listen. The style, however, was developed in an attempt to capture the idea of the stars and planets circling each other in their own independent orbits, because at the time people had just started to turn their gaze to the sky for answers about their own lives. Aside from that very cool background, I just find the really human side of the choir format in particular paired with the elevation of music being this untouchable but powerful thing paired with the holiness of the concept paired with how awesome the acoustics of a chapel can be…. It’s just a lot. If you like this I’d also recommend Miserere Mei by Allegri, Ave Maris Stella by Dufay, and O Magnum Mysterium by Lauridsen 

Peter Grimes by Britten: Classical music is so rooted in every musical tradition, and visa versa, that it’s almost impossible to separate it conceptually from a lot of genres. Technically, “classical” refers to a period of time more than it does a genre anyway, but let’s not get pretentious about it. While we’re pushing the boundaries of what can and can’t be included in this list, let’s talk Opera, and specifically Peter Grimes. When asked to describe it, Britten said it was “a subject very close to my heart—the struggle of the individual against the masses. The more vicious the society, the more vicious the individual.” More specifically the struggle was an allegory for gay oppression, and ironically Britten wrote the lead role with his lifelong partner Peter Pears - an opera singer - in mind. To give a taste without giving too much away, the Prologue establishes that Grimes, a fisherman, is being questioned over the death of his apprentice. The townspeople are all convinced before the questioning even begins that he must have done it, but the coroner decides the death was accidental. Grimes is let free and advised not to get another apprentice, but he of course ignores this…. If the vocal side of opera doesn’t do it for you, there are 4 Sea Interludes from this work that are really great independently. If you want even more opera with even more drama, I’d recommend looking at Tosca or Turandot both by Pucccini. If you think classic opera is too high brow and you want something a little sillier, try Mozart’s Magic Flute. If you want something more new age and weird, try listening to Two Boys by Muhly or selections from Einstein on the Beach by Glass (but probably not all 5 hours, Knee Play 5 and Spaceship would be my top 2). 

Symphony No. 6 “Pastoral” by Beethoven: I mentioned earlier when describing the Russian Easter Festival that I love a piece with pastoral calmness. Getting back to that point, I haven’t ever seen one word that’s commonly used to describe this particular sense in a piece, but I personally call it a Pastoral after Beethoven’s 6th. In general, the symphony is one of my favorites as a composer and listener, especially given that it’s really just about taking a walk in nature which is one of only 3 themes music should have anyway in my opinion. A good amount of my music is written with this feeling in mind. Aside from all that context, the first movement in particular is very nice, passionate but not sensational, and is just about being excited to be outside. Nothing wrong with that. This subset of music is probably the most informal of all the ones I’ve listed so far, but if you’d like more “Pastorals,” or pieces that have a nice calm passion to them, I’d also highly recommend Enigma Variations: Nimrod by Elgar, Fantasia on a Theme of Tallis by Vaughan Williams, Once Upon A Time In America by Morricone, Musica Celestis by Kernis, and of course again Appalachian Spring by Copland. (I would also be legally sent to jail if I didn’t mention that while we’re on the subject of Beethoven, his 9th Symphony is generally considered one of the greatest achievements in classical music). 

Rite of Spring by Stravinsky: A lot of these pieces have been good jumping off points into different musical concepts, but with this one I’m sticking my description to the initial piece itself. I got the chance to email with a composer I admire and he at one point described composition not in the sense of writing something “smart”, but in writing something “detailed”. The Rite of Spring is a really great example of detailed composition. It’s extremely experimental with its time changes - essentially the way that you should be counting your notes as a musician constantly changes and always into a pattern that’s difficult to keep track of - and also with its chord structure. The music itself can be jarring and odd to listen to but the composition wasn’t random and when studied shows an obsessive elbows-deep involvement in the work that I really admire. It might not surprise you to hear, however, that at the initial performance the audience was so furious that the lighting technician had to continually flash the lights to confuse them, out of fear of a riot. If you’d like something a bit more fun to listen to by the same composer, however, Firebird is a good one. And if you’d like another great piece that was completely booed off the stage at its premier, I’d recommend Grand Pianola by Adams. 

Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev: While we’re in the general vicinity of ballet, I should get into that deeper. Ballets can have some of the most fun music to listen to because the timing is required to be so much more specific. Romeo and Juliet is a lot of fun, particularly the “Montagues and Capulets” and “Masks” sections. Another great ballet is, of course, The Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky. I’d also recommend Don Quixote by Minkus, and Rodeo by Copland…. I know I know 

Violin Concerto in D by Tchaikovsky: I said Russians bring the drama, and it’s doubly so when it’s a gay Russian. This piece is a classic example of the solo concerto format, which is a staple of classical as a whole. The setup is a single player on whatever instrument the piece is written for accompanied by an orchestra, and is usually a showcase of technical skill by the soloist. This one in particular is basically THE turning point in a violinist’s studies and just about every violinist learns it as soon as they’re capable of taking it on. Personally I still vividly remember when my teacher finally gave it to me, it’s a very specific sense of accomplishment. Similar examples of the solo concerto format on different instruments would be Piano Concerto in F by Rachmaninoff, and Oboe Concerto in C by Mozart, both of which I absolutely love. 

The Revd Mustard His Installation Prelude by Muhly: I’ve gone on forever so I’m trying to be quick. Nico Muhly is one of my favorite modern composers and Revd Mustard combines his classic ecstatic and constantly moving style with an organ, which I’m a sucker for. Contemporary classical in his style can be difficult to listen to because it’s gotten very experimental and as a result, very complicated. But if you don’t go into it with the expectation that you’re going to hear a structured and logical Mozart-like piece and you instead surrender your opinion until the whole thing has come together for you, it can be really interesting at the very least. As a side note, Nico has collaborated with Sufjan, Bjork, Jonsi, Teitur…. lots of people. You’ve certainly heard him before even if you didn’t know it. For more classical from the last few decades I’d recommend Partita for 8 Singers by Shaw, Tissue No. 7 by Glass, Different Trains by Reich, the Red Violin Concerto by Corigliano (especially because I just saw it live a few days ago and am still reeling), Perpetuum Mobile by Penguin Cafe Orchestra, and Cantus in Memoriam Benjamin Britten by Part. Each of which is vastly different, stylistically speaking, but all of which I really love. And for more organ listen to one of my favorite pieces of all time, Symphony 3 by Saint Saens. 

Ok, you know what? I’m cutting myself off because I’ve gone on forever. If you haven’t been put off of asking me questions entirely by now, please feel free if you want even more recommendations in a specific style, or want to know more about something you enjoy. Clearly I love talking about this. Hope that helped!

[beneathtreemomo]

LTT Q&A Answers!

Q: Yoru, was Fubuki your first crush? If not, who?/ Who was Yoru’s first love?

            A: “Well, I think Shirou was my first crush?" Yoru admitted, rubbing the back of his neck nervously while a blush rosied his cheeks. "I’d never felt like that with anyone before him, but I’m also still trying to figure out just how crushes and being in love feels like. Sometimes it feels like I don’t feel it right, even now. But I do know that I love Shirou more than anything, and that’s what matters. So… yeah, Shirou was my first crush.”

 Q: YORU, MY BOY, what movie can you watch over and over without ever getting tired of? AND what’s wrong but sounds right?

            A: He blinked, staring at the question. “Uhhhh, that’s actually a really good question and I don’t have a single clue. I tend to get tired of a lot of things if I watch or listen to them too often, so I try to keep my favorites out of the ‘Frequently Watch’ list. But if I had to guess, I’d say the movie I’d watch over and over would be The Pacifier. It’s silly and a really good story all in one, so I feel like I'll always be able to enjoy it.”

                       With the first half answered, he reread the second half of the message, “Something wrong that sounds right? I guess…" He tapped his chin in thought, letting out a hum as he tried to think of something. "Trying to please everyone as your source of happiness. It’s not that aiming for that goal is bad, per say, but there are people who you just can’t please, and if you focus only on pleasing others without focusing on yourself, you’re only going to get hurt. And at that point, unless you change how you're thinking, you may never be happy because each failure will be plaguing you.”

 Q: Since Coach Kudou is now in the story, a question for him: what’s the most epic way you’ve seen someone quit or be fired?

            A: For a few minutes, Kudou was silent, thinking about how to answer the question. When he started talking, there was a small smile on his face. "I don’t necessarily think it qualifies as “epic”, but when I worked at Sakurazaki Junior High, there was this one kid very few of us could stand. He was constantly talking back to the teachers and correcting “mistakes” that we’d make, or point out things we already knew and either dumbed down for the kids or were on the way to getting to. He actually got one of the teachers so mad she stormed into the principal’s office and started shouting at him about it. Somehow, they got the PA system started and their argument rang loud and clear through the air. Of course, it ended with her shouting "I QUIT!" and the door to his office was shut so hard it made the PA system screech."

 Q: For one of the best girls, Matoro, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve broken?

            A: Matoro laughed, rubbing the back of her head. "I once broke a family heirloom. It was this old pocket watch, and I took it with me to skating practice. When I landed on my butt after failing to do a trick, I ended up, uh, crushing it. Glass shattered, hands stopped moving, it almost sounded like the pocket watch the Mad Hatter and March Hare ruined in Alice in Wonderland by stuffing it with sugar and jam! ….. Oh yeah, I panicked and thought it’d work again if I did that, so…. That didn’t help. But we got it restored, and they fixed it up perfectly! I wasn’t allowed to touch it again until recently, though.”

 Q: Shirou, share some stupid stories and tell me when was the last time you got to tell someone “I told you so.” after a ridiculous situation?

           A: "The last time I got to tell someone 'I told you so' after something ridiculous was actually pretty recent! The Hakuren team, Yoru, and I were all hanging out at Yoru’s place and they built a little pool-like area that we can use as a skating rink, so it’s pretty big. We were all doing whatever we wanted in the snow when Matoro suggested we try having a match on the ‘ice rink’. I and a few others actually opted out of it, mostly because even though the pool is big, it’s not going to hold all twelve of us. 

          “I told them to be careful, because the ice was probably a bit thin due to the weather starting to warm up a little, and while they said they were going to be fine Yoru and I just kind of… knew that it was about to be a disaster. So before the match started we said not to fall through; at most they would have gotten damp calves but, still, there’s a reason there’s ice and snow.

         “Long story short, we were having a blast but on one collision the ice broke underneath Matoro and Kitami and they fell in. That’s the most recent silly ‘I told you so’ that’s happened!”

 Q: Watanabe, because I don't get your mind at all, what are you interested in that most people aren’t - and no, murder isn't a proper answer?

           A: Watanabe gave a charming smile, laughing a little. “I’m interested in lots of popular things! If it’s not popular, then—"

           A teammate of his popped up beside him after overhearing the conversation, crossing his arms and giving the questioner an annoyed look. Watanabe glared at the teammate. “He enjoys throwing rocks at birds. And from his track record, there are worse things I could mention.”

           Watanabe hissed, shoving the teammate away as he growled, “Would you shut up?!” He turned back to the questioner, smiling politely. “Ignore him, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about! I love anything popular, I don’t think there’s really anything I like that isn’t something most people enjoy!”

 Q: Haruka, what was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now? AND what songs hit you with a wave of nostalgia every time you hear them? AND because the Angst is real, when was the last time you immediately regretted something you said?

           A: “Oh!!” She gasped, grinning and clapping her hands together, “I lived in America for a few years and I fell in love with Alf and Mr. Rogers. I thought they were so cool! But nowadays it feels like you’re lucky if someone even remembers Alf, and the generations that really seem to remember Mr. Rogers have come to a close after they stopped airing the show. I think Hyouga’s generation might be the last.”

           At the question about what songs make her nostalgic, she hummed thoughtfully and looked up at the sky. Coming up with an answer, she snapped her fingers and looked back at the questioner. “Maybe I’m Amazed by Paul McCartney. That song was probably the first one Natsume and I danced to as a couple, and then as husband and wife. It’s a special song that I wouldn’t trade for the world, and each time I listen to it, it reminds me of those days.” As she spoke a bright blush began to cover her cheeks and she looked away, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. “Other than that… I don’t really know. A lot of songs, I guess, but none really stick out like that one.”

           For the third question her blush only deepened, her smile slipping and being replaced with sad regret. “Oh gosh, there are plenty of things I wish I hadn’t said.” She admitted, rubbing the back of her neck. “The most recent… I think it was back after Yoru got injured. We were all pretty wound up because of it, and all of us said and did things we regret. But I remember snapping at Natsume that Yoru should just “Get over it” or… something along those lines. The words weren’t near as blunt or sharp, but the intent was clear, and I regretted it immediately. It took me over a month before I could look Yoru in the eye again even after I apologized then and there. I’m really lucky it didn’t sour my relationship with either of them completely.”

 Q: And last one for Yoru! What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis?

           A: Yoru groaned, scrubbing his face with his hands. “Natsume refuses to let me bathe in peace and I wish I was joking.” He sighed, glancing uneasily at the questioner. “If you want one that still makes me feel awkward, though… it’s whenever I snap at people. There’s just something in the air, you know? Like you know you screwed up but you can’t apologize or you did and it just makes things more awkward. I’ve also caught people staring at my eyes before, that happens pretty often. Can’t really say which is more awkward though. They’re all pretty high up there.”

 Q: What’s Natsume’s job?

           A: “Oh, oh! I’ve got this one!!!” Araya cheered, waving her hand enthusiastically. “Natsume’s a baker/patisserie! He owns a cute little bakery in town, near some ice cream parlors and cafés. He’s actually super popular, too! One of the town’s best, hands down. His specialty in the store is castella cakes and melonpan! Yoru told us he loves experimenting with the recipes and coming up with new flavors along with ones that already exist.” Her eyes twinkled with excitement, “But if he’s got a booth at festivals or wants to help make something for a party? Expect the best sata andagi and/or amanattō you may have ever tasted!”

 Q: Was Yoru always this fluffy?

           A: Yoru frowned, biting his lip. “Sorry, I don’t think I understand the question? Fluffy how?”

           Natsume cleared his throat, holding up a hand. “I can answer this! Just give me a second.” He ran out of the room, coming back with a rather large photo album and opening the pages to show pictures of a toddler with familiar mismatched eyes.

           He pointed to one where the boy, slightly older than in the pictures before it, was on a surfboard in the sand with an instructor to side, encouraging him. “Here’s a picture where 6-year-old Yoru is learning to surf.”

            At the sound of his name Yoru’s eyes widened, a yelp escaping him as he tried to cover the picture with his hands. “No, don’t show them that!” He cried, even as Natsume moved the book out of the way and above his head. Yoru jumped as high as he could, growling under his breath as he tried to grab the book, “You are so lucky I don’t like using hissatsus outside of matches.”

             Natsume grinned, pointing to the picture again as he leaned away from his brother, “Look at how wild his hair is! He looked like an adorable kitten, and it didn’t help that we lived right along the beach; sea air can affect your hair in many ways, you know, and for him the extra waviness added more volume and made him even more fluffy than he is now!”

             “Natsume!!”

Q: Did he (Yoru) ever have problems with heterochromia? (ie, other people making fun of him for it?)

          A: Natsume sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away from the questioner. “He did, actually. When he was little, some jerks used to call him strange or creepy and make fun of it since it was scary to them. He ended up getting really reclusive, and hid his gold eye behind his hair. It stayed like that until he was like, ten.”

 Q: What’s Yoru’s favorite color?

           A: Yoru hummed in thought, answering a moment later. “I like purples and greens, so I guess maybe a dark forest green or some sort of dark purple?”

 Q: Has he (Yoru) ever tried sports that aren’t soccer?

           A: Yoru nodded, smiling brightly. “I used to surf back in Okinawa! That’s actually how I met Tsunami, aside from being in the same class. I also do all the winter sports Hakuren has to offer, but some of them weren’t really me doing “sports” so much as just… messing around, I guess?” His eyebrows furrowed in thought, smile turning into a curious pout. “Is it still a sport if you don’t treat it as such?”

 Q: Does Yoru watch babyTV with Hyouga?

           A: Yoru shook his head “We don’t watch babyTV; honestly we mostly just watch random videos on youtube or whatever kid friendly things are on Netflix. So lots of animated movies.” Behind him, Hyouga started playing something on the tv. The Digimon theme song started playing and Yoru sighed, smile turning a little strained. “And Digimon. Lots of Digimon.”

Q: If Yoru, Watanbe, Haruka and Natsume were paladins, what lions would they command?

           A: Watanabe would operate Sincline, but if he HAD to have a lion it’d probably end up being Black, and only because none of the other lions fit him (sorry black sweetie you deserve better). Yoru would either be Green or Blue, Haruka would be Yellow, and Natsume would be Red!

 Q: Will Tsunami ever call Watanabe a wet paper shark?

           A: Tsunami’s jaw dropped. “That…. Is the best nickname EVER,” He cried, leaping to his feet and pumping a fist into the air as he grinned, “And you bet the next time I see that jerk’s face I’m calling him it!”

           Color drained from Yoru’s face at the thought, letting out a nervous laugh. “Please, don’t.”

 Q: Is Yoru ticklish (and does Shirou know/exploit this)?

           A: Shirou smirked, eyes ringed with gold. He crept over to the couch where Yoru was sitting and reading a book, ducking behind it when Yoru glanced over his shoulder. When he was sure Yoru’s attention was back on the book he sprung onto Yoru, grinning as he started to mercilessly tickle Yoru’s sides. Yoru shrieked, laughter filling the air as he tried to push Shirou away and wriggle away from his fingers. “Yep,” Shirou laughed, stopping after a few minutes to hug Yoru and nuzzle his cheek. “Definitely ticklish.”

 Q: Did Natsume and Yoru ever have a Naruto phase?

           A: Haruka giggled, hiding a smile with a hand. “One time in college, Natsume was trying to impress me and I was stressing out during a time crunch for fashion class, so he pretended to use “shadow clone jutsu” and ran around the room pretending like he was a ton of different versions of himself helping me pin down patterns or sew on details to things! Then when I was smiling he pretended to use Naruto’s coveted “sexy jutsu” and did a silly little shimmy that had me crying from laughter.”

          Natsume blushed, laughing weakly and holding up his pointer finger, “I’d just like to say my actual Naruto phase was back when I was ten. I just really didn’t want to see her so stressed.”

           Yoru snickered from beside them, rolling his eyes at Natsume’s correction. He glanced at the questioner, smiling apologetically. “I’m not a fan of Naruto, to be honest.”

 Q: How tall is everyone?

           A: I actually made a height chart once for the Yukimuras! As of FFI, Shirou is 5’0 (152cm), Yoru is 5’1 (154cm), Hyouga is 3’1 (94cm), Haruka is 5’8 (172.7cm) and Natsume is 5’10 (177.8cm) though I’ve accidentally been saying he’s over 6ft/180cm for like, three or four months now.

 Q: Is Yoru your first IE OC?

           A: Yep, he is! I created him in I think August of 2017, maybe earlier. I just felt like Shirou needed someone who understood a little, you know? Not even romantically, just… in general. And my sweet little shipper heart couldn’t help but make it gay so I did xD Originally, he was going to be from a random school Raimon stopped at before getting to Hokkaido, and even when he was in Hokkaido he was just going to be someone with a secret who insisted he come along! Things changed of course, and I’m actually really happy with the “fallen star” persona I’ve given him!

 Q: What do you think there’s not enough of in the IE fandom (Male!OC, underrated canon characters, etc.)?

           A: Well, to be frank, I wouldn’t even really notice what’s missing/not enough because I simply just don’t read a lot of IE fanfic or leave my bubble of select few content creators. I read it from my friends or writers I like if it’s topics I can stomach, of course, but other than that I just stick to my small corner and support everyone w/o having actually read their stuff xD But something that’s usually severely lacking in ALL fandoms is Male OC stuff. It’s like Nessie the Loch-ness monster sometimes! I mean, I also get WHY it’s not that popular, and I’m actually fine with Male OCs not being popular, but I’ve always noticed that there’s usually one male OC fic to at least 10 female OC fics in just about every fandom that has OC fics.

Q: How did Yoru realize his sexuality?

           A: Honestly, if he hadn’t gotten a crush on Shirou, he might not have put two and two together until he was in his 20s because he honestly would have just… kept subconsciously waiting for a switch that wouldn’t have come until he found The One.

           Before Yoru got a crush on Shirou, he figured he was gay at the very least—he didn’t like girls so he figured he liked boys but he still hadn’t… felt like it fit? Like everyone else seemed so certain about who they liked and while he didn’t care he noticed that he didn’t really get it, either. Then when the crush on Shirou hit, he assumed he was homoromantic, demisexual. But then as they get older Yoru realizes that, wow, he really doesn’t see anyone else in the same light he does Shirou? Like not even a little baby tickle of it.

            And he’s perfectly fine with Shirou touching him in certain ways but the idea of it with anyone else? Skin crawling (SIDE NOTE: You don’t have to be sex repulsed to be ace/demi. Being ace/demi involves feeling little to no sexual attraction. Quite a few on the ace spectrum just happen to be sex repulsed as well) Heck, sometimes with Shirou it’s not a comfy feeling (don’t worry whenever they do something it’s consensual) So he throws terms around in his head until he comes to the conclusion he’s demiromantic and asexual and after that he just stopped caring about labeling it.

Q: What’s Haruka’s job and how did she meet Natsume?

           A: Haruka grinned, pulling open the door to her studio. The room was filled with an organized mess of fabric rolls and mannequins of all shapes and sizes, some of which had either completed, half-finished, or barely started outfits, the tables covered in just as much mess. “I’m a fashion designer/tailor!” She chirped, closing the door as she continued to explain. “I mostly do freelance jobs like making costumes for plays and ballets, music videos, movie shoots, or parties. I also do small mending jobs that people in town need, like taking a dress in or out. But I also have my own lines of clothes that I sell online in batches with the help of my darling family as well as Yoru’s friends Araya and Matoro as models!”

                       Natsume took over for the second half, eyes bright with nostalgia and laughter. “We met in high school, became friends our first year thanks to being in the same group in the cooking club. At the time I was actually crushing on someone else and Haruka wasn’t bothering with dating, but my dad was constantly trying to prove we were dating— which, in hindsight, was hilarious. When we entered college, we started dating about halfway through our first year! It just kinda happened, y’know?”

 Q: Shirou lives in an orphanage in LTT right? Will he move in with the Yukimuras one day? :3

           A: In a way! He’s kinda already living there, but hasn’t really “moved in” because, well, Natsume and Haruka aren’t sure they have time to take the training required to become legal foster parents—even if it is inadequate. By the time high school comes to a close though, Shirou will have pretty much moved into the Yukimura household, though not officially. He’s still listed as living in the orphanage. During college, Yoru and Shirou get an apartment in town!

 Q: Watanabe, why are you a grumpy old man?

           A: Watanabe sputtered, letting out a dramatic, offended gasp. “WH—I AM NOT A GRUMPY OLD MAN.” He cried, clearing his throat and crossing his arms as he straightened his back. “I’ll have you know I’m quite distinguished and I deserve every right I have to be bitter about Yukimura’s bought—” He froze, catching sight of his teammates. He smiled, eyes flashing for a moment as he backtracked on the remark he was about to make. “I mean!!  I just tend to have anger issues, is all. Nothing major, of course!” He laughed, holding out an arm as if to make a point as his eyes narrowed ever so slightly, “And really, it isn’t fair what happened with Yuki, right?”

           One of his teammates shrugged, “I don’t know, I think it’s alright. He’s a competent manager, I’d say he earned a place on the national team.”

           Watanabe laughed, his eye twitching and smile sharp. “Yes…. Of course, you make a valid point!”

 Q: How did Natsume react to the news he was going to be a dad? Was Haruka worried? How did YORU react? XD

           A: Haruka giggled, amusement glinting in her eyes. “Natsume fainted.”

           “NO I DIDN’T!”

           She rolled her eyes, her smile wide. “It wasn’t exactly planned for us to have a kid, even though we’d both been talking about it. But the moment he woke up he had the hugest grin on his face and kissed me over and over. It was so cute! Yoru’s reaction wasn’t really amazing or anything—he got wide-eyed and super happy and with Tsunami’s help threw a super small party over it. Nothing fancy, just a little “congratulations” and some cupcakes and movies.”

            “And yeah, I was actually really worried—about being pregnant, not Natsume’s reaction, although the fainting startled me.” Haruka admitted, ignoring how Natsume shouted again that he didn’t faint. “We were both still in college at the time, and college is stressful enough without having to worry about being pregnant, too.

            “We talked about it and Natsume, the absolute sweetheart, decided he’d just quit school and become a full-time employee at the restaurant he was working at. I took a year off of school, worked via my online store a little bit leading up to the final term, and once Hyouga was ok to leave with Yoru, Miyu, and Hayato, I went back to school for a little while. Natsume’s still on the fence about whether or not he wants to go back, now that he’s got his own bakery.”

[seungminsmile]

get to know me + soft q&a tag!

thank you for tagging me @changbeanie @kim-seungmine and @hyunjinning !!

i’ll keep this under the cut hehe

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

rules: tag ten followers you want to get to know better

star sign: leo

put your playlist on shuffle and list the first four songs:

UH i’ll do both my english and korean playlist!!

1. baby don’t stop by nct 2. my pace by stray kids 3. let me by golden child 4. newton by monsta x

1. if we were along by kap slap 2. where would we be by rozes 3. walk thru fire by vicetone 4. belong by cash cash

grab the nearest book. turn to page 23, what is line 17?: "for example, if we wish to describe the motion of the earth around the sun, we can treat the earth as a particle and obtain reasonable accuracy in a prediction of the earth’s orbit.” i’m a physics nerd srry

ever had a song or poem written about you?: i dont think so!

what was the last time you played air guitar?: played a what

what’s a sound you hate? you love?: i hate hearing sharp noises...like yesterday i was at a cafe doing hw and one of the ?? sliding glass display doors ?? screeched everytime someone opened it and i. died. my favorite noise would be high heels clicking on the ground

do you believe in ghosts?: yes!

do you believe in aliens?: not like the aliens u see in movies but yeah there could be life out there

do you like the smell of gasoline?: not really...i like the smell of (clean) underground parking lots though.

whats the last movie you saw?: GOOD QUESTION. i don’t watch movies often so i think to all the boys i’ve loved before??

what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: when i was in first grade i tripped and fell face first on concrete. i didn’t need stitches but that hurt

do you have any obsessions right now?: kim seungmin and uhh yeah

do you tend to hold grudges?: no...i dont associate with people that i don’t like so i don’t end up holding grudges

in a relationship?: no :(

SOFT Q&A TAG

What’s the smell of your shampoo?: it doesnt have a strong smell...just clean and soapy?? LOL

What’s your aesthetic?: i loveee LOVE stationary and pastel muted colors and sunsets...which is why i loved the new album so much because the photocards and pictures are just too cute and totally my aesthetic..FSJs i also like cute asian stores like daiso or muji and asian beauty stores !!

What’s your favorite time of the day? Why?: 9PM!! not too early and not too late...perfect for the night life

What do you most like about the beach?: sunset and boardwalk!! and the pier (esp santa monica’s)

What do you worry about constantly?: school and when the next time i can sleep is ;-;

What song have you cried to before?: hm...mainly nostalgic songs. youth by troye sivan, see you again by charlie puth, heaven so close by we the kings, and don’t let me down by chainsmokers are some!! i also went to a summer camp for two years and they’ll play special songs at the dances that now remind me of camp and make me tear up!! like american pie, mr brightside, don’t stop believing

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?: dont forget take some time off and do what makes you happy!! destressing is important so as you don’t feel overwhelmed!!

What are things that make you tear up?: i cant stand being yelled at. also when i’m under a stressful social situation.

What are your favorite thing from each sense?: seeing cute colors, hearing lit songs, smelling lavender and rose, tasting savory foods, and touching soft stuffed animals

What is one alternative reality you’d like to be in?: soulmate AU!! like literally any soulmate AU...

One scene from a book that makes you really sad?: spoilers for cassandra clare’s shadowhunters books!!! i can’t pinpoint an exact scene since it’s been so long since i’ve read something...but emma and julian make me feel a lot of things

Say something to your followers?: i love u!! thank u for dealing with me!! i have some very exciting things to announce soon so please look out for a *gasp* g*******??!

TAGGING @blushyunjins @kseungmins @hey-hey-chan @theminho @kim-squishmin and i don’t know who has not done this yet :(( btw if ur tagged u don’t have to do both!! (or any at all!!)

[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2018:

Nasty: Hearing Red Eyes live. I've already said it on TBH, but seeing your favorite band in their relative prime is such a cool thing. 

BC: Since partying all night with my favorite band fell within the short window between Bestuv '17 ending and Bestuv '18 beginning, I'd have to say:

1. Kacey Musgrave's performance of "Slow Burn" on SNL

2. Radiohead perfectly executing "There There" which transported me back to Lollapalooza in '08 3. Despite the annoyance of sitting in lots of Indy500 traffic due to a new parking situation, I quite enjoyed working through half of the Stones' catalogue with Bronco riding shotgun and Codemin listening in from the flatbed of Dillon's pickup

Codem: Spending what was New Year's Eve for the central timezone in the USA at a Fijian medical bath facility listening to music, playing cards, downing tequeel and getting ringworm with my blushing bride. -hearing peter hook play the bass line from shadowplay live and in person. -Arden, JD and JJ encouraging me to go talk to Kyle from Swearin'. -Silver Jews and Westing (By Musket and Sextant) came to Spotify. -Watching "Random Rules" video for the first time

Larse: Sitting behind this massive (I mean orca fat) guy at the CHVRCHES show, feeling really bad for him before the show started because he was all alone and kept looking around and worrying about letting people in his row and things. As soon as CHVRCHES came on though, this guy was exactly where he was supposed to be that night. Sang the words and danced to every song and just made my day with how happy he was to be there. Jotted down every song of the setlist into his smartphone and just had an all around great time. And some of you motherfuckers won't even go to a movie by yourself!

JD: May: A moody Chinatown stroll with the new Grouper album in the rain. July: Soaking up some good tunes at the housewarming party to ring in our new pad. July: Some hilariously rambunctious youths having at it when “House of Jealous Lovers” came on during a full play of Compilation 1 at the DFA summer party. One of them (who must have been ~8 in the bygone days of 02) screamed out “this is the song that started it all!” to a crowd of stationary gawkers and I felt a brief moment of hope for the youngs. August: Shaking a leg at Pete’s wedding (also featuring a delightful hojl spin). September: A rowdy spin of “Sentient Oona” on the Levee juke with an impromptu digital jukebox dance party at the Turkey’s Nest with jj’s cousin and his lovely girlfriend. October: The best music cue I’ve ever seen at the end of Beau Travail.

Bronco: Taking John to his first concert, and that first concert was Mastodon. That was pretty awesome to be able to share that experience with him. He was super into it, and so were the metalheads at the show. "Dad of the Year" was definitely shouted more than a few times, and I thought to myself, "fuckin-A right."

Chap: My kids saying "Papa" when "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals comes on.

Best Shows Seen in 2018:

C: Open Mike Eagle at Pitchfork

Bronco: Sleep

Laser: CHVRCHES at Riverside Theater; Chromeo at Summerfest

BC: The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Radiohead

Nasty: The War on Drugs. 

Code: kraus - schubas peter hook - metro no age - the bottle swearin' - bowery eleanor friedberger - lincoln hall my bloody valentine - aragon "quickly climbing the ranks of my nice" ballroom kraus - the bottle pictureplane - bottom lounge soft moon - the bottle book of love - chop shop

JD: 1. Shame at Market Hotel 2. Hamilton Leithauser at the Carlyle Hotel 3. Beach House at United Palace Theater 4. The Voidz at Elsewhere 5. Parquet Courts’ Wide Awake! mid-day album release show with my morning coffee at Rough Trade

6. Flasher at St. Vitus 7. Deafheaven at Brooklyn Steel 8. Panda Bear at Brooklyn Steel 9. No Age at Brooklyn Bazaar 10. CCFX at the DFA summer party at Elsewhere with my girlfriend in full blown rem sleep standing up with her head on my shoulder 11. Alex Cameron at Warsaw 12. Gang Gang Dance and Interpol at House of Vans Of note: Dekkar at On Cinema Live at the Bell House.

Confession of 2018:

JD: I have a real TBH confession that I held until now. I was thoroughly enjoying the Flasher album on a recent evening after a few too many drinks when a burning urge to see them washed over me. They had a show coming up at a bar just a few blocks from my apartment, so I enthusiastically snapped up tickets for me and jj. Thinking this might be a good opportunity for a TBH outing, I emailed Chap trying to peer pressure him into attending the Flasher show and gauging his interest in a Parquet Courts concert that would be happening the following evening. No response.

We later received an invitation to a holiday cocktail party at a friend’s apartment on the same night as the Flasher show, and I hatched a cockamamie scheme to go from our home in Greenpoint to the party in Soho, leave after an hour to catch the concert back in Greenpoint, head back to the party in Soho, and finally retire back to Greenpoint. JJ wisely passed on such a scheme and I left the party to trek off to the concert solo with an extra ticket in tow. 

Awash in good cheer and excitement while Flasher set up, I thought what the hell, might as well take a flier on reminding Chap of the show. Maybe the twins are asleep, he’s just sitting around, can jump into a cab, claim the extra ticket, watch the show, and cruise on back. Mid-text I paused, wondering just why he never responded to the initial email weeks ago. A quick gmail search, and there sat my drunkenly composed beseechment to join, rotting in the drafts folder unsent. 

A couple of the dudes from Parquet Courts were bouncing around the bar, and I decided it would make more sense to hit up Chap about attending their show the next day than explain the whole snafu and extend a ludicrous invitation that required dropping everything and leaving immediately for a show he didn’t even know was happening. I ate the extra ticket, had a blast watching Flasher, zipped back to the party, drank myself into oblivion, and was way too hung over to even consider the Parquet Courts show the next day. NICK SORRY NICK! (editor’s note: too long)

Larson: I saw Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

BC: My neighbor invited me to see Imagine Dragons. I lied and said I had to travel for work. "On a Saturdee?" he inquired. "Yeah. Totally sucks," I awkwardly replied. I hid inside my house all weekend.

Bronco: I'd rather see shows by myself than with my buddy. He likes going to shows, and I keep inviting him, and we have a fine time, but he doesn't live in town anymore, so I gotta worry about him drinking too much and driving an hour home. And his wife is a psychopath and that complicates shit. Too much. And it's just so much more freeing being able to not give a fuck about anyone else during that time, to just soak it all in, it feels good and right.

Codem: -despite all of the bad things that kanye said, i still liked listening to his catalogue throughout the year. i even liked his EP that came out in 2018.   -i really liked the beach house album!   -i liked the snail mail album, skipped two opportunities to see her and then by --the end of the year, i thought the album was sort of boring.   -Arden and i went to see pictureplane open for alice glass and thought that the show sucked and pictureplane played such stupid songs. three months later, he put out my favorite album of the year and i can't stop thinking that i hated all of the same songs the first time i heard them. -i read an article on a bright fall saturday morning that exhaustively detailed the Cardi B and Nicki Minaj feud and i watched all of the instagram story clips that showed Cardi B scrolling through her phone with those outlandish nails of hers. it took me two cups of coffee to get through it all, but get through it i did. [i couldn't think of nicki minaj's name just now so i stared at the ceiling and kept running through names in my mind's eye: missy, kim, cardi, kelis, kim??, eve, trina. i couldn't remember. so i finally googled "kanye monster" and found her name. easy.]

Nasty: I'm done with new music. It’s over. I didn't listen to a single new album - I don't even know if I could name a new album. Realistically, I did like Daytona. 

Biggest Disappointment of 2018:

Nasty: MAGA Kanye

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Bronco: Black Tusk, Alice in Chains

BC: Getting into The Orwells literally two days before #MeToo chewed 'em up and spit 'em out

Chap: Car Seat Headrest. Can't believe he's gay! jk the album was the disappointment.

Code: -somebody hacked my spotify account and wiped all of my music and replaced it with raggaeton and halsey. i was able to get my music back, but i lost all of my meticulously cared for folder structure. -i wanted the simple minds album to be cool; it was not.   -i wanted the swearin' album to be really great; it was okay. -pictureplane and ovlov did not tour their albums.   -i had to eat two tickets to my bloody valentine after buying four. the original show sold out and i thought i was going to be able to sell my extras for a profit -- they ended up announcing a second show and there was no secondary market for the original show.   -no CCFX followup ):  

JD: Got to Hammerstein Ballroom for MBV and there was a line longer than an entire avenue. They were already on by the time we made it into the heinously oversold venue and we were stuck by the bar in the lobby surrounded by people constantly shouting in an effort to compete with the apocalyptic noise.

C: Terrible sound at Tame Impala show

Most Overrated of 2018:

Code: -probably that kacey musgraves album; i got absolutely nothing out of it. also, i liked the robyn album, but i wanted to love it after many years between releases. i think i'm just being greedy.   -i'm going to get killed for this, but the throwing the baby out with the bathwater approach to artists' criminal behavior or inflammatory tweets is pretty overrated right now. 

Bronco: Ghost - I like their schtick, with rotating members and the whole inverted church thing. It's campy but they're sticking to it, and that's fine, but their music isn't metal. It's poppy glam shit about the devil, and that's also fine, but I don't get why it's on anyone's list. Production value maybe? But the music itself isn't anything to write home about. I just don't get it.

JD: n/a. The thick layer of nonsensical, Pynchonian obfuscation the platform economy dollops over everything has made it impossible to understand how anything is rated. Almost feel bad for the click driven publications that have to just throw out a guess.

C: Mitski

Chap: Snail Mail

BC: Kanye. His new music is no longer good enough to put up with his bufoonery.

Laser: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Nasty: Clemson. GOARSH. 

Make It Stop 2018:

Nasty: DJT, anytime now. 

Bronco: Party politics. No more labels allowed. You can have a list of stuff you support and a list of stuff you are against, but that's fucking it. No more this side vs that side for reasons as caddy as an R vs. a D. Also religion having any influence whatsoever in the way our country is run. Believe whatever you want to believe, but don't force your bullshit on anyone else. You want to torment yourself with a lifelong christian guilt trip, that's your boat to float, but don't go poking holes in my boat just because you're a miserable fuck. Just stop. Also, Jack White.

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Chap: Baby Shark

BC: My shrinking attention span

JD: The cultural currency of clapbacks, shade, and tea.

Code: trap music playing from a phone's external speaker while i'm trapped on public transportation.  i'm going to go broke buying enough earbuds to distribute to these offenders.

Biggest TBH Regret of 2018:

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

C: Not seeing Low at a church on University of Chicago's Campus

JD: -Hearing about a Grouper show at a church around the corner from my pad after it sold out. -Not necessarily a regret because I didn’t know it was happening, but oh how I wish I had seen Jon Glaser and Jon Benjamin as Dave Farina and Dave Franz, Dennis and Dennis’ sons, at a Bowery Ballroom Yo La Tengo show.

BC: -I wish I would've cooked up a way to see Shame play a midnight show in Bloomington.  I just want that kid to scream "Concrete" in my face. -I probably should've seen Smashing Pumpkins when they rolled through town too. 

Code: my flight got delayed and i missed the swearin' show at that place in brooklyn that "smelled like hot fish"

Bronco: Not a regret so much as I was super-bummed when High on Fire dropped out of the tour I saw in November. The venue we were at put my buddy and I right next to the stage. It would've been crazy awesome to see HOF there, but they've rescheduled at least, and I'll see them in January.

Bin: I haven't listened to any Kanye this year. I thought it would feel gratifying by year end - it doesn't. I'll probably still avoid this most recent album, but I'm going back to the well. I'll continue to talk shit about him though. Take that Ye!

Chap: No regrets 

Detective Murtaugh of 2018:

Larse: Getting too old to keep up with all of this new music and put a worthwhile list together at the end of the year…

Nasty:

Code: i added book of love show to my top ten concert list because Arden and i were able to take a seat on the ground in the balcony section. we had to continually move our spot on the floor to be able to peer through the railing and a mass of bodies in order to catch a glimpse of the stage.

JD: -Two of my favorite music related experiences of the year were seeing Hamilton Leithauser in the cafe of the Carlyle Hotel and the extended Niles family in The Nutcracker at the NYC Ballet. -When I googled “Detective Murtaugh” just now it was mostly pictures of Damon Wayans (Jr. no less!) playing the role on the Lethal Weapon CBS series.

Bronco: Putting up with shit instead of speaking up about it. There's room on the train but I'm squished by the door because some self-absorbed dinks won't move in? "Could you please move in?" It sounds so simple, but breaking that silence barrier was a scary thing. Now I don't give a shit. I'm on train for two stops, and I'm not going to see you again, so fuck you, move in or I'm going to move myself in and it aint gonna be pleasant for you.

Chap: A hipster female barber said I was a silver fox. AYFKM?

BC: What the hell is Fortnite?

Resolution for 2018 Update:

Larse: get my list in on time! How it went: probably horseshit! (editor’s note: it was early yet!)

NACK: While I didn’t have the occasion to catch shows this year, I anticipate doing so in '18 due to some changes afoot. How it went: Joe Dons has yet to let me know of a concert going on and I have no other friends here, so I blame him for my failure

Bin: I’m just going to keep saying “get to NY for a show with JD” until I make it happen. How it went: Didn't get to NY for a show with JD.

JD: See you gents more often with or without a show attached.  How it went: Fairly decent, but is it really ever enough?

Bronco: Get in shape. I want to stick to a schedule of running all year round. I ran a 10K back in June, then needed to recover for a bit, been recovering ever since…Fat Dad needs to keep running all year round without excuse, especially given that we go skiing between Xmas and New Year’s and I’m gonna be a floppy legged mess. During those runs, I’ll try to listen to new material each time. How it went: I ran a 5-miler in May. Haven't run since. Though I have been reasonably consistent with my prison workout (situps and pushups before bed time), so now there's a hint of muscle under my fat dad layer. Just gotta combine the two now somehow.

Code: make more playlists for my wife How it went: i said that i was going to make more mixes for my wife. i made one year-end mix for her and i'm sure she's loving it :*

BC: No more resolutions How it went: 2018 Resolution was "No More Resolutions," so pretty darn good!

Resolution for 2019:

Laser: ---

BC: Listen to one new album a week; reboot the Classic Album Review Club

JD: Greater consciousness of how I’m using my attention - an ineffectual and meaningless protest of the ways the world is burning down in pursuit of it.

Bronco: Read more 'classic' books. I didn't read many of them, even in school (especially in school? Never could read a book I was told to read). But I'm leaning in the sci-fi direction of 'classics'. I just read Dune this summer, and wrapped up Fahrenheit 451 the other day. I'm feeling an unexplained need to beef up my nerd credentials and this seems the way to accomplish it.

Chap: Learn Piano; Guilt Joe Dons into finally inviting me to a concert

Nasty: I'm sticking with it - get to NY for a show with JD.

Code: catch ovlov, pictureplane, washer, chromatics, EMA and colleen green live this year.

Most Anticipated of 2019:

Bronco: Tool. Fifth year's the charm. I'm actually hopeful this time around. In fact, I half expect them to drop it on New Year's Eve or something, just so it's post Listicle season, but not quite 2019 so it can't end up on those lists either. They're such dicks like that.

BC: Still waitin' on dat Vampire Weekend yet

Chap: Vampire Weekend, Chromatics

C: Lin Manuel in Mary Poppins... I kid, My Bloody Valentine

JD: Going to put Frank Ocean out into the universe, MBV take 2, Grimes, Panda Bear, Kanye’s escape from the Black Lodge

Codem: chromatics - tommy, MBV, washer, colleen green, EMA(?), DoM

Laser: no idea what's even on the docket

Nasty: Mueller's Report

[hanniejji]

TAGS UWU

So I was tagged three times and since I wasn't able to do it on my phone I had to do it on my computer lmao anyway I got tagged by my sweet cakes(@hyunjinsgiggle ), the sunshine (@felegs ), and this cutie (@stayuwu ) this is going to be long btw im sorry and the ending is very depressing ignore it

Bold Tag

Rules: bold the ones that apply to you!

Appearance:

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blonde hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and talents:

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies on TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work brakes / I can do a handstand

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships:

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for over ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush have confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetics:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sun rise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

Miscellaneous:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities/ I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am Multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBR

I'm about to answer 33 questions wow I feel like I'm on an examination

11 questions tag

by sweet cakes:

1. what is your fashion sense?

I have a lot of styles depending on the weather or my mood. I mostly do the sweater/jacket + high waisted shorts hehe or turtle neck + shorts + cardigan/jacket. when I'm lazy, which is always, I wear an oversize hoodie and shorts and the occasional cap hihi I have a weird sense of fashion

2. what is your favourite season?

I like rainy, or windy. any is fine as long as I don't sweat like hell adfaslsja I hate summer

3. if you could go on holiday anywhere, where?

I love going to beaches but tbh anywhere with good views is fine, it doesn't matter since the most important thing for me is that I get the experience and take lots of photos if they have a lot of delicious foods then that's better oof

4. what is one quote you live by?

"learn to stand on your own feet" has a very special place in my heart

5. would you ever get a tattoo, and if so, what and where?

I would want a snowflake, because we're not alone falling down

6. what is your favourite song at the minute?

at the moment, it's nobody knows by youngjae and fine by yugyeom ✨✨

7. what is one album you would listen to for the rest of your life?

I still listen to Linkin Park songs because of the meaningful and relatable lyrics

8. what is your favourite memory from the last year?

it has to be the one time my mom said she's proud of me :')

9. what is one regret you have?

not being able to make friends easily :'( I find it hard to do

10. would you change aforementioned regret?

maybe :'(

11. if you could have any food in the world to eat right now, what would it be?

How dare you make me choose I can't possibly choose between different varieties of foods :'( fries, frappe, and shawarma w/o cucumber pls

by sunshine 🌞

1. what’s one thing that helps you relax?

probably sleeping with soft background music

2. what’s your favorite novel and author?

I'd rather poetry :') sea of strangers by lang leav is amazing

3. are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

I'm more like the closet affectionate person hehe but when I'm tired or sleepy I get clingy a lot but I'm mostly through small actions, I'm not comfortable with saying "I miss you" or whatever unless I'm typing them

4. are you an early bird or a night owl?

totally a night owl

5. if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

sorry by halsey, broken home by 5sos

6. if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

the beach we went to last vacation :')

7. what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

a very comfy oversized hoodie, it's black with front pocket, sweater paaaaws, and it has a small doodle of neptune on the back

8. who’s your bias and why?

bias? I don't know her

9. do you believe in luck and miracles?

yas, my aunt is actually a fortune teller? idk? but she knows a lot about those and spirits thing but since I have low self confidence I mostly sound like I don't believe in them

10. what’s your favorite type of decorations?

aesthetic and pastel colors ✨

11. do you prefer being outside or inside?

booooth

by cutie :

1. Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

sometimes I just space out without even realizing

2. What’s your favorite place in the world?

home

3. What’s home to you?

somewhere that no one can judge me, a safety place, a place where I can let loose and be comfortable and not give a care about anything

4. This is not a question but quote a vine.

"oh hell noOooOoOOoOooOooOO"

5. Grey’s anatomy or House?

what i don't watch any of these

6. Do you have any pets?

a lame excuse of a cat

7. What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the mom friend, scolds you 25/8, gives advises everywhere, comforts you, takes things seriously, drops everything just to listen to you unless I'm in a very bad mood, sacrifices for you, boyfriend material (according to my friend), secretly soft, lazy but exerts effort when needed, randomly does weird things and dances to fortnite, supports you, but lowkey doesn't do the same for myself lol because I'm emo and you can hear me saying bad things about myself 27/10 and pushing you away lol

I don't share my food unless you're important lmao

8. Do you hate someone? If so, why?

fake peopleeee

9. What’s your dream job?

to be a journalism

10. What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

probably wanda

11. I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

I just want to cry to someone but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, I don't know why but I get stressed so easily and that one time our nurse had a seminar and asked if anyone is depressed, I just want to raise my hand but I'm too scared someone will judge me and think of me as a weak person, like now, and she started this speech about how to beat depression and I just can't understand how is that going to work because it doesn't work on me. I'm getting tired of constantly getting sad for no reason and it's bothering my classmates and I hate bothering them I feel like I'm annoying so I kept these thoughts to myself. It's hard trying to avoid spacing out and being so quiet all of the sudden, I'm getting mad at myself for being pathetic and I did the "do" once because I was so desperate to feel something other than sadness and I couldn't even tell anyone and right now I feel like this rant I'm doing is bothering everyone I hate being like this :'(

I'm doooonneee hehehehe that took me like a long time and I should really sleep now :') I will reblog this with my 11 questions and tags because tumblr has limits ugh

[thejonzone]

It's True that Kendall Jenner Loves Neil Young

On the Beach, Neil Young’s ode to perserverance, plus its direct predecessor, Tonight’s the Night, represent my favorite section of Young’s discography. These albums are motivated by grief, the death of Crazy Horse’s guitarist Danny Whitten and roadie Bruce Berry, both to overdose. Young begins Tonight’s the Night with the title track, and gives a concise obit for Berry-- Bruce Berry was a working man / he used to load that Econoline van. The albums arrange Neil’s grief and combine with his desire to isolate in reaction to the huge success of his music.

The two albums are incredible-- inherently searching, Tonight’s second half takes place on the road, as Neil drives and sings and smokes and cries, intent to get out and away. And while Tonight is ramshackle, On the Beach is more polished, and has a bit of a wider scope, not so much blindly in reaction to death and fame but taking in the larger landscape of his life and his era, trying to make sense of where he was.

What makes Neil Young’s music appealing to me is that his cadences, melodies, and pacing always seem to match my depression. Often downtrodden and lethargic, his music moves to the same slow-thumping heartbeat in me that thinks about throwing it all away.

On the Beach has always struck a chord with me, not even considering the music, because of the album cover. A car lies crashed deep into the sand, only it’s back bumper still sticking out. A pair of beach chairs sit empty underneath an umbrella. Neil is in the background, hands in his pockets, looking out at the water. It sets the tone for the album, with Neil as maybe a bit of a party pooper, contemplating rather than reveling, on the outside looking away.

It is a little bit strange that I found Neil Young’s title track to On the Beach in the middle of Kendall Jenner’s Apple Music playlist “Summer of ZAZA”. Certainly, Kendall herself didn’t put this playlist together, but why is “On the Beach” included? One keyword search led to another, yada yada yada, now Neil’s song about the disillusionment of fame lands on a collection of “sunny, beach-ready songs”.

It’s easy to think that Neil’s song’s placement here is a mistake. But what if it isn’t? Is it such a stretch to imagine that Neil Young and Kendall Jenner are more similar than different?

But first...what exactly is a summer of ZAZA? Is it short for pizza pizza? Or perhaps a nod to Hungarian-American actress Zsa Zsa Gabor? Zaza is, I believe, a slang term for weed-- is Kendall endorsing a summer of flying high on grass? Maybe ZAZA is a new term, one that Kendall wants to get the ball rolling on. “How was the pool party?” “Oh, simply zaza, darling.”

The playlist is, surprisingly, melancholy. And that’s not just because Gorillaz’ “On Melancholy Hill'' is included(???). Some songs are sad and don’t feel like beach-hangin’ standards, like Linda Ronstadt’s cover of Blue Bayou, or Gregory Alan Isakov’s “Idaho”, a song I do not know but who’s lyrics include: Now it’s white as snow / watch the evening glow / across Idaho. Which are not summertime fun lyrics! Sure, there are 2019 summertime hits like “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo and “Venice Bitch” by Lana, but Yo La Tengo’s “Today is the Day”? Maybe included because it is on the album Summer Sun. SahBabii’s incredibly horny "Squidiculous" is here (Skinny jean king, can’t fit my nuts in this bitch), but why is that alongside the yearning coo’s and admittedly not fun in the sun vibes of Bobby Vinton’s “Please Love Me Forever”?? The playlist is strange in this way, and makes me wonder if Kendall Jenner is sad.

“On the Beach”, the most out of place song with the best SEO, does line up in some ways with Kendall Jenner. Young moved to Los Angeles in the late 60’s and found a lot of success there, helping to define the Laurel Canyon folk sound. Not only was he a part of Buffalo Springfield and CSNY, but upon going solo he had a megahit with 1972’s Harvest. Neil Young’s level of fame might not have reached a Kardashian level ever, but it’s not like he was some podunk folk singer playing to three people in a basement. He was a star.

And he had trouble with it-- with people’s expectations of who he should be, of what he should make next, of everything he ended up representing. It weighed on the guy. And it’s clear on On the Beach’s title track that Young is torn between the visibility fame gives him and his desire to be alone and hidden: I need a crowd of people, but I can't face them day to day / Though my problems are meaningless, that don't make them go away / I need a crowd of people, but I can't face them day to day, he sings.

I’m not here to say I understand or know how Kendall Jenner feels. But I imagine that if I had cameras constantly pointed my way, making posts for my millions of faceless followers to support the empire of attention that had been built around me, I might relate to Neil.

But then again, I’m not so sure Neil and Kendall would get along. On the Beach is full of moments where Neil is quite candid and straightforward in his wish to smash Los Angeles’ rose-colored glasses, like in “Revolution Blues”, when he sings Well, I hear that Laurel Canyon is full of famous stars / But I hate them worse than lepers and I'll kill them in their cars.

Just like Neil considers the body of water before him on the beach, so have I, staring out, taking in the contours wind creates on the surface, watching cormorants dive underneath for fish, waiting for them to re-emerge. Sometimes the world comes back together when you take a step back. Neil’s album is so great because it hits on something that I think is universal-- we watch water and it causes us to think past ourselves. I want to believe that Kendall goes out to her private section of the Pacific Ocean and stares out at it. Maybe Neil’s plaintive harmonica floats around her head as she fantasizes about giving it all up, taking up an alias, and moving up to Alaska. As Neil sings later on in the album, on "Motion Picture (For Carrie)", Well all those headlines they just bore me now / I’m deep inside myself but I’ll get out somehow. The Summer of ZAZA was almost certainly made by an overworked Kardashian-employed social media person who typed “on the beach song” into the Google search bar. But maybe right now Kendall is staring out at a cloudy California beach, running “Ambulance Blues” back, and considering which Zuma deep-cut is going to make this year’s playlist. I’d rather the latter be true.

[wobc-fm]

IS WEEZER A GOOD BAND? An Investigation

words by emma davey 

It was 2006, and it was theater camp. I was ten years old, petite and frizzy haired, with uncool red glasses. A few other campers and I were casually singing along to a hit song of the mid 2000s, “Beverly Hills”

“Ugh” my new friend Sky complained.

Sky intimidated me because she was beautiful and a full year older than me, and she carried herself like she knew that. I wanted Sky to like me, and if that required me to adopt an edgier persona, so be it.

“It sucks that everyone only knows Weezer from ‘Beverly Hills.’ Early Weezer is so good,” she lamented in the direction of our teachers.

“Ha-ha, yeah, those fake fans, am I right?” I tried covering up my lack of knowledge.

Little did I know, one day I would become Sky. And once again, summer camp had something to do with it. A couple years later, I was still awkward looking and frizzy haired, though I had long ditched the glasses. I had few friends, which occasionally made the hour-long free period a solitary experience. I’d sometimes wander around the camp in the scorching Texas sun, as a counselor controlled the playlist being blasted around camp. One day, they played “Buddy Holly” and I nearly lost my mind, I thought it was so good.

“Ah,” I thought to myself “This was what Sky was talking about”

I love Weezer. Four different Weezer songs are in my iTunes top 25 most played, TWO OF WHICH are from the last couple years. I spent a good chunk of 2011 listening to Pinkerton and crying, which is not radically different from how I spent my 2017. My love for that album is so deep that I OWN and REGULARLY WEAR a Pinkerton t-shirt. The “Buddy Holly” music video is constantly in my YouTube recommended section because I watch it so often.

But I’ve always grappled with a question - is Weezer one of my favorite bands? They’ve certainly made some of my favorite songs. But is it enough to have listened religiously to their first two albums while kind of ignoring the rest of their discography? Ignore is maybe too strong a word, but I share a sentiment with many fans that the Blue Album and Pinkerton are masterpieces, and the rest of their albums range in quality from really good to mediocre to just plain bad. Let’s get something out of the way - the Weezer of the 90s is gone, and they’re not coming back. I feel silly to complain about a Weezer that I am too young to remember firsthand (or just straight up was not alive for), but I think this is something that the collective Weezer fandom needs to grapple with. I mean, the highest compliment you can give to a modern day Weezer song is that it sounds like something they made in the 90s. We’ve never praised Weezer for their sonic innovation. Granted, Weezer is generally apt to stick to their classic sound, with the occasionally reworking as popular music dictates. Even when Weezer is bad, they still, for the most part, sound like Weezer. Which is to say they sound like the Beach Boys learned guitar by listening to heavy metal, with a little bit of Pavement thrown in. Even when Weezer is bad, they’re rarely offensively so.

This leads me to another question – is Weezer one of the greats? When we consider great bands, we usually give that distinction to bands that have consistently released good material. Usually, that material changes the course of music history, or at least influences the music that comes after it. Weezer certainly inspired many a dorky 15-year-old to pick up a guitar in 1994. That’s undisputed. But is that enough? Does the amount of bad music they’ve released outweigh the good music they’ve released? In the case of Weezer, this proves especially difficult, as there hasn’t been a solid critical consensus on what is a good or bad album in the post-Pinkerton era. For example, Make Believe, which is home to the aforementioned “Beverly Hills,” received a range of ratings upon its release in 2005, from Pitchfork’s 0.4/10 to Rolling Stone’s 4/5. It’s hard to call a band great if they don’t even receive a full number. And speaking of codifying greatness, next year Weezer will be eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Is that something they should be deemed worthy of? Even though designations like awards and induction ceremonies certainly can be seen as empty signifiers, they do point to a larger, cultural consensus. The Hall of Fame’s first inductees include Chuck Berry, Little Richard, and Elvis Presley. These are artists whose presence there remains uncontested. My personal hot take is that if Green Day can get in, the invitation is open for everyone, but I’ll save that diatribe for another day.

Weezer’s latest release, Pacific Daydream, certainly shouldn’t inspire the Hall of Fame to extend an invitation. Now don’t get me wrong – I was of the opinion that Weezer as of late had been releasing some really solid material. In 2014, Weezer released Everything Will Be Alright in the End, full of the hooky melodies and quirky lyrics that first catapulted them to fame. This album came after a three-year hiatus, presumably prompted by a string of three underwhelming albums (The Red Album, Raditude, and Hurley). It was clear that Weezer had spent those years regrouping and refocusing. “Back to the Shack,” the first single off the album, was a welcome return to their power-pop roots, featuring self-deprecating lyrics like: “Sorry guys, I didn't realize that I needed you so much/
I thought I'd get a new audience, I forgot that disco sucks.” To me, this signaled a new era of Weezer, one seeking to be absolved of their musical sins. They followed up with 2016’s solid The White Album, and the fact that they could release two great albums back to back kind of astounded me. I felt pretty confident that Weezer was back on track, and I was excited to hear what else they had in store. Then in 2017, Pacific Daydream came out, and I was reminded of the emotional rollercoaster that is being a Weezer fan. After a few years of some really great material, Pacific Daydream rings especially hollow to me as Weezer decided to affirmatively ditch their return to their roots and instead, take on a more mainstream, pop heavy sound. Had they not learned their lesson? Had they not understood what it was about them that we all loved? Weezer is at their worst when they’re pandering to a generic rock radio audience, or especially, to generic millennial music trends, which is exactly what Pacific Daydreams is all about. The first single, “Feels Like Summer,” was released seven months before the rest of the album, so I was worried about the new album from the start. If you told me it was written to be performed by The Chainsmokers, I’d believe you. And I only have a very loose grip on who the Chainsmokers are. Look, I don’t want to put Weezer in a box and not allow them to experiment. But the rousing chorus and glossy production value on this song, emblematic of the rest of the album, don’t sound like a band trying to innovate, but rather, a band trying to pander. You’d think a song called “Beach Boys” might feature elements that made both the Beach Boys and Weezer beloved bands, but it just feels like an empty name check instead of an actual homage. As with every other objectively bad Weezer album, it’s not a complete wash though. I found “QB Blitz” to be a more mellow, wistful affair, coupled with some classic Weezer melodrama (“I’ll be missing you like oxygen.”) However, those flashes of inspiration are few and far between.

So I’ve ended up deciding once and for all, despite such an uneven discography, Weezer is definitely one of my favorite bands. But can they be considered one of the greats?

I thought of other bands that I’d consider my favorite - the Strokes, Nirvana, the Velvet Underground, the Smiths. All of these bands only had a few albums, as if they knew when to call it quits, aside from the obvious tragedy of Nirvana’s demise. Can any band be so great for so long? The Beatles were together for barely a decade. Had they gone much longer, would they have eventually started to put out crap? (I will fight you if you mention “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da”). Save for a couple of short hiatuses, Weezer has been together for over 25 years. That’s a quarter of a century. Creative genius probably can’t be sustained for a quarter of a century.

And then I thought about the Beach Boys, whose influence you can trace directly to Weezer. They were together for a gazillion years and produced an incredibly diverse array of material. You’ve heard all their surfing and car songs, but have you heard Smiley Smile? Can we talk about how weird and great that album is? It’s not for everyone, though. And there are probably some hardcore Beach Boys fans who think it’s drug-induced crap, much like how I think Weezer’s “We Are All on Drugs” is indeed, drug-induced crap. Like Weezer, the Beach Boys were not always critically adored or enjoyed by their own fans. The Beach Boys made “Kokomo” for God’s sake. But the Beach Boys also made Pet Sounds and the greatness of Pet Sounds far offsets the mediocrity of “Kokomo.”

Weezer might have their fair share of “Kokomo”s, maybe more than a great rock band should. But they also have their Pet Sounds, and they got those right out of the gate. Maybe that’s enough.

[smoldinopup]

Jonghyun - The Letter - 2017.06.14 - Fan account

Epic Fan Account of Doom…or Fluffiness (but that sounds less cool)

People who follow my blog attentively might know that I flew to Seoul on Monday to see Jonghyun in concert on June 14, because I only mentioned it like 14142112313 times on here. This trip went as smoothly as room tempered butter on a piece of toast. Pics and a video of my trip and some fun facts can soon be found on my travel blog, but no one cares about that now, right?

Let’s get to the actual content of this post *whips out her non-existent kazoo to play a song*

@krge @gone-with-the-bling, because you two wanted to read it! ^^

I went to SM Town at noon to buy some merchandise. I had typed down everything I wanted on my phone to make things easier for me as well as the staff working at the merchandise stand. When I arrived shortly before 12 around 30 people were already waiting in line (or more like sitting on the floor). Luckily they played Jonghyun and SHINee videos throughout the waiting time on some huge screen, so the time until 1pm passed really quickly. 

It was my turn after only 10 minutes, but by then the kazoo was already sold out, which still shocks me. Not every person in front of me bought one so I’m still wondering how many SM actually sold? 15? I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that they only sold a handful of kazoos. I already read several fan accounts that they were quite short on some of the merchandise in general, but I thought it would get better in week four. Apparently not…I’m still meeh about it, because the kazoo was the one thing I looked forward to the most. Anyway, I got my merchandise (I went a little wild *coughs*. Random side note, the T-shirt is such good quality! I’m in awe and will never take it off again! Especially compared to those flimsy T-Shirts with that ridiculous sizing they had for the FIVE tour in Japan, Jonghyun’s T-shirt can only win.) 

Left side: Jonghyun’s T-shirt (free size) Right side: SHINee’s FIVE T-shirt (size S). The thing with the FIVE T-shirts, before you wash them the print looks beautiful because it’s holographic. After washing it this effect is gone. The material is also much thinner than the one they used for the Jonghyun T-shirt, and the sizing was ridiculous. Those T-shirts were super short as you can see in the photo, but super wide (it’s like a crop trop in a way) I don’t even know how Minho wore that T-shirt with his long upper body. Jonghyun’s T-shirt on the other hand... I mean you want to wrap yourself up in it and pull it down to your knees (which I can’t, because I’m too tall, but smaller people can wear it as a dress, which is adorable). They were produced in different countries, which might be a reason for the difference in quality. I don’t know, but SM please produce your Japanese tour shirts somewhere else in future!

After taking photos with the shining babes at the photo booths (SM ships 2min and Jongkey…just saying) I went back to the SM merchandise shop to buy some more SHINee merchandise and then did some sightseeing around Seoul before coming back at 7pm for the actual concert that started at 8pm.

I sat in the left block in the third row, which was amazing, and I wish I had been able to stenograph during this whole concert to capture all the details as soon as they happened like

[Jonghyun perked his eyebrow | Dead | He just growled | Deader | He smiled | Deadest]

But yeah, that didn’t happen. So please bear with me, I try to write it down as accurately as I can remember it, but like I already mentioned in my ‘fan accounts’ for the SHINee concerts I’m only human (an old one on top of that) and I can’t possibly remember everything (even if it breaks my heart). So please be aware that the following passages will be filled with a lot of cringe worthy love that I feel for this adorable human being. 

You have been warned! 

So, grab a snack, make yourself comfortable and enjoy the ride. I should just write this like a fan fiction…lmao (maybe not)

The opening VCR was him riding in a car and then walking along the beach. The presentation of the video was so nicely done, because they switched screens from left, to middle, to right as Jonghyun walked along the beach, so the audience basically followed him in his steps. He also looked astonishingly beautiful in that VCR, but let’s be real…when doesn’t he look astonishingly beautiful. The VCR was shot together with the video to ‘Lonely’, because the beach and the outfit he wore were the same as in the music video.

We stood up for the opening songs, which is always nice of course, but also made me very uncomfortable, because I was a head taller than anyone else in my block, and I constantly worried that people behind me might not be able to see the stage that well. Sorry people who sat behind me, I can’t do anything about my height T_T. Like I mentioned above I was sitting in row three, but I forgot my glasses at the hostel and therefore Jonghyun was still a little fuzzy around the edges, and I naturally tilted my head to look at the screen from time to time (force of habit…which I acquired during the Japanese concerts). 

Jonghyun wore a white T-shirt instead of the red one for the opening stage. Something like one, two, three Seoul Youth was written on it. But I’m not completely sure if that’s completely accurate, so don’t nail me down on it. 

Just like the red T-Shirt he sleeves of the white one had been generously cut off. However, I sat on the wrong side and only caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his ribs. Pity! But better than the T-shirt were those jeans! His jeans were torn in all the right places and whenever his legs moved one could see the muscles nicely contract in his thighs (is that too detailed, I wonder?) Anyway, I can attest that the boy got some booty and thighs now (@every-person-who-has-an-url-talking-about-jjongs-non-existent-butt-might-consider-an-url-change). I have to admit that I spent the majority of the first three songs with looking at his thighs and butt. I’m sorry, Jonghyun. Please forgive me my rudeness! I’m just not used to seeing you having an actual booty.

There were dancers accompanying Jonghyun for a lot of the songs again. Though, while I thought they are a nice touch during the X-Inspiration concert, they often felt like too much for this concert series, and to me it didn’t feel like they added much to the performances. But that’s just my opinion, and I’m sure others loved the dancers. As I mentioned in my “I’m screaming into the void, but I have to scream anyway post” right after the concert, Jonghyun came to the left side of the stage in the beginning of ‘White T-Shirt’ and pointed into my direction while saying ‘You’re so rock n roll’. He could have also pointed at all of us, but let me have this one little moment of fangirl love and let’s all assume he did point at me, because I stood out the most in a lot of ways, and yes, I’m more rock n roll than even Mr. Kim will probably ever be, so it would have been very fitting. (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ lmao

So, that being said I was totally overwhelmed by all the fan chants. I mean sometimes I love doing them, but at other times it feels suffocating and too much, like I’m part of some Army? I have the Japanese SHINee fan chants down perfectly. You can wake me up in the middle of the night, play me a random Japanese SHINee song and I will do every fan chant perfectly (including synchronized fan light movements). I’m also quite confident in doing the Korean ones, but most of the Jonghyun ones just exhausted me. I can’t even remember if we did all of them in December? December is still such a blur. It’s a pity that I didn’t write everything down back then, because my brain is weak and so was my heart. Anyway, it took me a few songs to get into the right fan chant groove.

When the VCR to Rewind played I was shocked to hear Jonghyun speak German. I was like O.O ??? What is this foreign but familiar sounding language doing here? Is he Lady Gaga? There was Spanish, and Japanese as well…I wonder how he came up with using German and Spanish from all existing languages. Did he open Google and ask ‘How to count in different languages’ and he thought those are the fancy sounding ones? Or did Jonghyun think ‘Roo’s ancestors were German, so let’s go with some Rammstein vibes’. Either way I’m still not over it. Kim Autobahn you can speak random German words to me all day. The video was just like the song title… very repetitive. Jonghyun did the same things again and again. But I believe by now most have seen the snippet of the VCR that was posted a while ago.

I have to admit that I was a little disappointed in ‘Suit Up’. It is one of my favorite songs on the album. The band was way too loud and overpowered the softness of Jonghyun’s voice while singing the beginning of this song. The audio technicians should have changed the volume of the microphone or something since it’s never a good thing if the band is louder than the singer. As of the performance of the song, Jonghyun was rolled inside on some arm chair by some pretty female dancers who tried to ‘seduce him?’ I’m not sure, but they also stripped him off his purple jacket and his tie later into the performance, so I guess we can call it the art of seducing Kim Jonghyun. But like I’ve mentioned earlier while I loved the dancers during the concert in December, I felt like they didn’t fit the mood for the letter series, but do you do Jonghyun or SM, whoever decided that it’s a good idea to include dancers. He wore a purple suit during this segment by the way. There was a fan account that stated that he looked slimmer, because the pants fitted looser around his thighs than they had done before. I agree with that account since the pants indeed were a little looser, but I’m not sure this had anything to do with weight loss. Is it possible to lose so much weight around one’s thighs in a mere week? I don’t know. I don’t know. It also doesn’t matter…he looks beautiful no matter the shape or size! So, let’s move on.

‘Staring into Space’ was absolutely adorable, but I didn’t expect anything else, just watching him put on the robe and the little bed cap made everyone in the audience squeal in delight and him smile shyly in return. He knows he looks adorable in that outfit, but he still always acts surprised when the audience is more excited about him dressing up in cutesy outfits than seeing him undress himself. Anyway, the props for this performance stood on the left side of the stage. Some boxes, some lights, something he could sit/lie on. I’m not sure what it was exactly, something like a bench covered in pillows and a blanket? At first he only sat on it while singing, and I was already like…boooohh everyone said how adorable you get during this performance, don’t disappoint me now! As if he had heard my thoughts he lay down with that little dog plushie (that wore some polka dotted hoodie) and pulled down the sleeping mask, and then playfully tugged the mask down on one side so only one eye peeked out. You can imagine the squeals coming from all sides. He continued with pulling the other side down as well so his nose and his mouth were basically covered by the sleeping mask. It looked adorable. He’s such an adorable human being and he’s very aware of that. After the performance ended he got up to take the robe off and he was quite amused by the disappointed reaction of the audience, because everyone wanted to see him continuing the concert in that outfit. It’s definitely a look! Next SHINee comeback should include sleeping masks and robes.

For ‘Blinking Game’ some fancy looking lights were lowered onto the stage behind Jonghyun, and the scenery gave off the atmosphere of some fancy jazz club, and one only waited for a contrabass to start playing.

We used the hand bells for ‘Gloomy Clock’, and Jonghyun had a lot of fun altering the rhythm randomly to confuse the audience. Sometimes he really does act like a little kid, having the most fun by bringing mischief to the stage. But it shows how much he enjoys performing, and seeing him have so much fun, makes one’s heart feel really warm and fuzzy.

I’m quite sad that the talk segments were basically me sitting around and having no idea what Jonghyun was talking about. That’s what I personally like about the Japanese concerts, because there I understand most of the things they say, which is quite nice. But yeah, it’s not their fault that I don’t speak Korean. Anyway, before the cockroach song he looked for a couple again (apparently there was none…or no one wanted to out themselves) so he picked out some girl who had been single for a very long time. I only understood a few words, and tried to figure out the content of their conversation by clutching onto every straw that was thrown, and after that one fan account I was surprised to realize that I wasn’t that off with my speculations. It was really fun listening to their conversation, because that girl was very fierce (I loved her since she was not shy to voice her opinion) and ranted so much that she apologized several times when Jonghyun got all ㅎㅅㅎ--- O_O--- :’D and wondered why she sounded like she was mad at him. It was adorable. She mentioned Minho at some point, but I’m not sure what she said. Did she refer to him as her ideal type? I don’t know. 

The cockroach song was awesome live, and the animation of the cockroaches were so adorable! Especially when one cockroach was sitting on Jonghyun’s head. He got all embarrassed when he saw himself on the screen with that cockroach head on his, and started laughing. Speaking of little, embarrassed Jonghyun. He also got very shy when all the fans excitedly waved their fan lights around when he sung the now infamous lyrics of ‘Where are you?” You know the drill. It was amusing. But what else did he expect the reaction of fans to be when he wrote those lyrics? Probably no one is going to look at him in disgust when he sings ‘Where is the person who is going to kiss me?’ Are there any fan accounts about what Minho did during this part when he attended the concert yesterday? I expect Choi to jump up from his seat and point at himself!

The second girl he talked to was one of the people who sent in letters. I have absolutely no idea what the conversation was about, but she was very shy and said annyeonghaseyo very, very awkwardly and shyly and also sounded slightly bored on top of it (an interesting mix), which Jonghyun apparently found quite amusing and mimicked the greeting in the same awkward manner and tone. We can conclude Jonghyun likes to play and tease the audience. In general I got the feeling that he really enjoys talking to the fans, listen to their stories, and give them advice. It felt like group therapy session with Doctor Kim. For the talk segments he walked around the stage and when reading the letters he sat in an arm chair in the middle of it. At some point he was wearing a huge white shirt with a wide collar and some pretty necklace. It was such a nice and dreamy outfit. Did I mention how beautiful his eye make-up was done? His eyes looked so pretty and shiny, and… *inserts all the hearts*.

The stages I feared the most were the ones starting off with ‘Let me out’. I really thought I would start crying him a river right then and there, but luckily that didn’t happen. The prop for this stage consisted of some cocoon looking 2m tall foldable wall that surrounded him, and he wore all black with a black corsage like binder around his waist. Let me tell you that corsage did things to his figure. I mean we all know he has a tiny waist, but that binder only emphasized that, which made his shoulders and arms look massive while it made his waist look even tinier. Especially when seen from the side with the light falling onto him he looked like some statute in a museum. I think this was my favorite outfit of the night, because he just looked very dark and mysterious, but also very soft and beautiful at the same time. This guy is just a contradiction, but what else is new.

Like some fan accounts already stated the performance to ‘Let me out’ is quite intense and Jonghyun puts his everything into it, but just like with ‘Suit up’ the band overpowered him during the quieter parts, which is a pity. I don’t know if this was a general problem and just no one mentioned it until now, because fans tend to throw all form of critic out of the window as soon as they are graced by his presence or if the concert I attended was an exception. Maybe they should have arranged those songs differently, because performing them live requires some special attention in my opinion so the haunting feeling of the music and lyrics get across to the audience.  After ‘Let me out’ Jonghyun pushed the cocoon open and continued with ‘Elevator’, one of my all-time favorite Jonghyun songs. It was very powerful and I sat in the audience with goosebumps.

The duets between Jonghyun and Shawols were beautiful. He should consider recording a song with a bunch of Shawols as duet partners in future. I especially liked the Shawol duet to ‘Love belt’, because it makes it easier to yell ‘I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU…HOLD ME’ at Jonghyun without seeming like a crazy person. (/・・)ノ

The VCR before the encore seems to change every so often and while it was a rice brand Jonghyun advertised last week, he did some advertising for a drink this week. He tried to act as if he was seducing that bottle in his hand, and ran it along his face and so on. It looked hilarious. I laughed so hard. I live for funny VCRs. After the video ended everyone’s head suddenly turned to the entrance of the theater, and I was like ‘What is going on? Why is everyone turning their head around?’ I figured out why around ten seconds later when Jonghyun came down the aisle on the left side for ‘Deja Boo’ and everyone started screaming. Holy guacamole I wasn’t ready for seeing Jonghyun that close. I thanked all existing Gods on this planet that I sat in the left block so he passed me only a few feet away and came to a halt right in front of my block. HE’S SO TINY!!!! *USES ALL CAPSLOCK IN THE EXISTENCE OF CAPSLOCK* AND SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! Wow, I was so dumbfounded that I just stared at him like the weak fangirl I am. How do people survive fan signs? I mean yes, he’s just a normal human being, no need to put him on any pedestals (that’s 100% correct) but holy daisy…if he isn’t one of the most beautiful human beings I was able to lay my eyes on. His skin was glowing! If it had been me standing right in front of him in that first row I probably would have gaped at him without feeling any shame. He has just a very engaging aura. I mean it is one thing to see him up close on stage, but when he’s literally on eyelevel with you…oh my oh my…how do people manage to act all normal around him? Are they dying on the inside from all the tiny firework explosions and fan feels? Tell me your secrets survivors of the US fan meets!

Random anecdote: 10 years ago I met my back then favorite guitar player during a meet and greet and expected to die right then and there. However, I didn’t die and I carried a table with him instead and told him how tiny he is, which resulted in the singer laughing and saying ‘Well, what a nice compliment!’ Me being as smooth as a spiky cactus. So thinking about this fan girl episode of mine I probably would say something stupid instead of dying inside. But I matured, I wouldn’t call Jonghyun tiny to his face. I learned from this embarrassing episode that still haunts me at night sometimes.

The concert ended with ‘Fortune Cookie’ and ‘Beautiful tonight’. As always Jonghyun directed the audience during ‘Beautiful tonight’ and I looked at every kazoo around me in envy. I wanted to become a kazoo kid. I will forever be bitter about this. But I might just buy one from ebay and start my kazoo career anyway. No need for Jonghyun’s concert logo on this genius music instrument. I loved how he cherished every single person in the band accompanying him, and jammed along to every instrument. He played air bass guitar, it was so adorable and cute and I just wanted to pinch his cheeks and pat his head.

The ending of a concert always makes me feel very empty and this time was no different. As soon as Jonghyun left the stage I felt a wave of ‘So this was it. The final goodbye’. It’s always the worst part of a concert, because you just don’t want it to be over yet. The concert was a little over 2 hours, I believe, and everyone stormed out of the concert hall to wave Jonghyun goodbye at SM Town’s side entrance. When I arrived at SM Town that day I tried to figure out where all those ‘Arrival’ and ‘Departure’ photos had been taken, but I didn’t have to look long for it, because the entrance is right next to the actual entrance of SM Town. So, I followed the crowd and waited behind a barrier. I think at least half of the audience waited for him there, and most of them had their phones and cameras ready, already filming the door. Some of the girls even had little stools they could stand on so they could see the entrance better. He exited the building shortly after, waved into the crowd like usual and then disappeared into the waiting car. Nothing too dramatic…

It was a beautiful concert; very cozy and somehow very intimate. I for one belong to the group of people who prefer small venues, and I never understand why some fans have it as a goal to attend a Tokyo Dome concert at least once in their lives. I mean you do you, but it sounds more fun than it actually is. I already disliked the size of Saitama Super Arena with a little over 30.000 seats and I don’t want to imagine how a hall filled with over 50.000 must feel like. Yes, the ocean might look beautiful with 50.000, but it already looks beautiful with 500, so I don’t know what the big deal is…especially if you happen to only get a ticket on the fourth/fifth floor. But to each their own I guess. One needs to have a goal in life after all, and if it’s attending a SHINee concert, then that’s a really good one! So, you go Shawols! ^^

I should end this here, but I want to add a last note on the global packages. Last year I got a global package for the first X-Inspiration concert, because a) I didn’t know better b) his first concert was on my birthday and therefore I wanted to go there whatever the cost. As most of you know the global packages are very pricy to begin with, but in the case of the X-Inspiration concerts they also offered a lot in return, and you could choose the price category of the hotel. So after calculating everything, I thought, well the price is not too bad, and I still don’t regret buying that package, because it was a wonderful experience that I treasure a lot. However, this time the prices for the global packages were even higher, you couldn’t choose the price category, and they offered nothing at all except for the goodies. All I thought was ‘SM, what are you doing???’ This being said, if you have the money, just go for it, but if you are on a budget you might want to look around a little. There are trustworthy Korean sites which people use to resell their tickets and if you are lucky enough you might find a ticket to a reasonable price. The one I found was only 40$ more than the original price and was a seat in the third row, so I’m not complaining.

So, in conclusion: Did I have fun at the concert? Yes, I did! Was it enjoyable? Yes, definitely. Would I do it again? Oh yeah, anytime. There is just something about Jonghyun or SHINee as a whole group that makes me incredibly happy, and I’m very thankful that they never fail to put a smile onto my face.  ♡

Thank you! (♡＾▽＾♡)

[smartynuts1-blog]

Don Legend

In 2004 Don Legion and Criss Trown were the biggest R&B male artist in the music industry. Don was a pianists and all of his music was accompanied by the sweet sound of strings, while Criss was a dancer and kept the crowd screaming with his complex moves that appeared effortless. Although they had different styles of artistry they had a strong rivalry because their album dropped the same day, which battled back and forward for the number 1 spot on the charts and their tours were held at the same. Radio personalities constantly fueled their rivalry by saying one was better than the other by mentioning record sales each week. Everyone new that both of them would be nominated for best male R&B artist for the Grammy's next year. Since his debut in the industry gay rumors have followed Don's flamboyant style, because he wore tight bell-bottom dress pants that showed off his gigantic booty and thighs that complemented his 6'2 220 lb frame. On the red-carpet his side-profile poses (with one hand in pocket to stretch the seams at the booty) made it obvious that he was well aware of his fully developed ASSets. He had the look of a "pretty boy" with a red-bone skin complexion and bee-stung pink lips - which were always glossy in photos. The first two buttons of his shirts were never fastened to showing off his well defined hairless and beefy chest that almost bulged through. He was the prettiest beefy guy in Hollywood although he didn't pay the gay rumors much attention due to his climbing success. In June Don was photographed on a private beach off the coast of Puerto Rico wearing a bright pink speedo, which fit tight around his curvy hips and booty. This picture flooded tabloids and during an interview Criss said that Don looked "super gay". This controversial comment spiked up Criss' record sales and put him at the top charts. After Don had made it back home from the island he was hit with a wave of gay controversy brought on by the pictures of him in the speedo. Plus, he had to address the Criss' negative comments. Being that these new gay rumors were hurting his success he had to fight for his masculinity back, which added a great deal of stress and caused much built-up anger towards Criss. After weeks of interviews addressing the rumors Don realized that the only way for the rumors to pass would be to get out of the public eye for a while. This almost meant career suicide for an up-and-coming singer. This drove Don insane and he could only think off how he could seek revenge on Criss. It was now mid December and no one had heard a word from Don. The last thing anyone had seen or heard from him was in early July when he was caught taking steroids. Over the months Criss' record sales continued to soar and he had even received a Grammy nomination as planned, while Don didn't. When asked in an interview, "Do you think Don went MIA because your comments towards his speedo picture during the summer?" he responded "I can really care less about that fag. He's probably somewhere getting fucked in the ass right now. He can't compete with me." This reaffirmed Criss' masculinity with his male audience and raised his record sales even more, but it made Don want to punish him like never before. Since July Don has been overly obsessed with seeking revenge on Criss. He could no longer overpower the trash talking dancer with his career so he had to use the only thing that he could control, which was bulking up his body to an intimidating frame and punish him in the most disgusting way possibly. Don was no longer concerned about his "pretty-boy" image or his health so he unhealthily packed on a whopping 120 pounds of muscle and fat. During the week he exercised everyday and ate only red-meat, nuts, and protein packed milk shakes. On the weekends he stayed in bed constantly eating donuts and pasta. Afterwards he took sleeping pills to force himself into long sleeps allowing him to gain weight quicker. From July to about late October he could feel the grease from his food escaping his pores and mixing with his sweat. At the gym he did only sumo deadlifts, squats (with weights), and leg presses to build an even bigger butt than what he had initially. Regular doses of steroids caused him to grow rapidly along with his rage. Hormonal changes exacerbated his sweat glands and body odor. He anus had begun to secrete a thick, pasty, sweet liquid that tasted like syrup (probably from all the sweets he ate). Digested protein shakes and nuts made his farts smell vile and animalistic. He drove all of his personal friends away, but that didn't bother him. He was becoming the ultimate butt dominator that he had planned for months, which brought him sick, narcissistic, sexually sadistic pleasure. By December his ass was twice the size of Buffie the Body's and wobbled uncontrollably when he walked. Old underwear briefs became too small and constant weight gain made it impossible to track his size so he stopped wearing them. After the first two weeks of going without underwear he appreciated the breeze traveling up his workout shorts cooling down his beefy glutes that were so large that Don himself couldn't reach all the way back there to wash the ends of either cheek - let alone his full ass crack. Don was almost where be needed to be physically to accomplish his goal. From December to the end of January Don had been on a high calorie binge rampage. By this point his stomach could hold 6 times the amount of food that it could when he was in the public eye. Body wise he was where he wanted to be, but he wasn't satisfied with his azz, which was already too large for him to fully wash on his own. This wasn't enough. He wanted it to be large enough to fully engulf and smother Criss in it. He bought dangerously concentrated steroids and injected the directly into his cheeks, which made them grow 3 inches in 3 weeks. Don's cheeks had grown heavier than the weights used to build them. They were nasty bone-crushers. He was ready. The night of the Grammys Don watched the show from his tv in his fully loaded Benz. He had parked a few cars down from Criss' Lamborghini in preparation of a ambush. Criss had won the award for best male R&B artist and arrogantly walked off the stage without thanking anyone. He definitely was a little bitch. After the show Criss was walking on his way to his lambo. In a drunken intoxication he stumbled with his keys. Don dress in only a trench coat, hat, and sun glasses popped out from behind some bushes and snatched the dancer up. Instead of using chloroform to put him to sleep Don used his most foul smelling work-out shorts, which worked just as effectively. In a flash the capturer had abducted Criss and taken him back to his house for a night Criss will never forget. As Criss slowly regained consciousness he was in a dark steamy room that smelled like a gym without ventilation. He was actually laying on Don's bed. Criss tried to escape but his efforts failed him because he had been temporarily paralyzed. Don had injected Criss with an overdose of muscle relaxers, which had the same symptom of paralysis. Only his head was fully functional. A loud musical sound from the corner of the dimly lit room underneath a soft red light startled the captive. Don was completely covered in a trench coat (still hiding his appearance) while over-dramatically playing the instrumental to one of his songs. Criss recognized the song too well, but naively screamed for help. Even if someone else were in the house with them they wouldn't be able to make out the screams through the loud forceful music. When the crazed musician stopped he was slightly panting as if he had just finished jogging. After gaining his breath he slowly got up from the bench while saying, "That song took me the longest to record. " (he paused and slightly chuckled) "I kept messing it up whenever I got into the studio, but when I got it right I was on cloud nine." (He paused to turn around toward his captive and continued). "When the label sent it to the radio stations it spent 12 weeks at the top spot battling for number 1 with yours. You may have had the dance moves, but I had the best album. Even you know it. That's why you had to talk all of that shit about me to boost your hype." By now Criss' squinted eyes revealed a scared look of confusion as he failed to match the voice of his capturer with the large image approaching him in the darkness. It sounded like Don, but it didn't look like him. "Still don't know who I am, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!?? (His voice grew louder and filled with anger) It's me, the SUPER FAG, Don!" Immediately after this was said Criss began to cry like never before. He realized that Don was preparing to get revenge on him for what he had done. The captive burst out saying, "I'M SORRY BRO! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME! YOU KNOW HOW THE INDUSTRY IS MAN. IT WASN'T MEANT TO HURT YOU. IT WAS TO GAIN PUBLICITY!" Don replied, "I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR BULLSHIT!! YOU FUCKING RUINED MY CAREER!! AND NOW IM ABOUT TO RUIN YOUR LIFE." By now Don had made it to the edge of the bed where Criss' feet were. In an act of force Don had snatched off his coat and clapped his hands to turn on the lights. "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! AWE FUCK NAW!!" Criss couldn't believed his eyes. Standing before him was a wall of naked beef, muscle, and fat that almost gave the appearance of Don wearing a muscle body armor. Criss had never seen a man as big as Don. Firm fat stacked on top of muscle. Large zebra patterned stretch marks mostly around the thighs, chest, and arms were painted all over his body. Huge thighs thick enough to strangle a moose thundered underneath a solid torso with huge protruding pecks that could be mistaken for size C breast were hanging below the thick neck of the handsome monster. Although scared and alone Criss just laid there in shock of what was happening to him. Don walked over to the side of the bed next to Criss' head and jumped on the bed and landed on his knees with Criss between his legs. The force of the landing caused the bottom of Don's hormone pumped meaty AZZ to slap Criss' thighs beneath him bring a loud sound similar to a belly flop in a pool. After landing on top of the captive Don made himself comfortable by leaning forward until his beefy stomach touched Criss' as if planning to kiss him. He said, "I've been waiting on this torturous moment for over half a year, and it bring pleasure to know that I can do whatever I want to you while you remain helpless. Even though I definitely am gonna punish you I can't help but to wonder how your dick feels. I haven't had sex since last summer and I noticed that you are equipped with a thick footlong dick down there. I'm gonna fuck you with my ass." Don reached over into the drawer aside his bed and grabbed 2 pills of Viagra and forced them down Criss' throat. After a few minutes a giant horse dick grew to match Don's horse - like ass. Don turned completely around to face Criss' ankles to reveal his perfectly round ass. "DAMN!!!!, Criss shouted Criss. "Fuck me like you do all of your groupies, Criss!!"

[ricardosousalemos]

Neil Young: Trans

It’s the end of the world. The sky is an ominous shade of red, and the air is thick with poisonous fumes. Some people are silhouetted with an eerie glow while others are dying of radiation poisoning. “It shoulda been me that died,” Neil Young says, riding a bike alongside actor Russ Tamblyn. Tamblyn shrugs him off, and the two make plans for the evening. Tomorrow may never come, but tonight they’ll take their dates to the drive-in, where Tamblyn begs Neil not to play his ukulele or to sing “in that high squeaky voice.” So goes the opening scene of the 1982 film Human Highway, an apocalyptic comedy written and directed by Neil Young under his long-standing nom de plume Bernard Shakey. It’s a muddled and paranoid work, filled with forced slapstick humor and wild jams with Devo. In one scene, the members of the Ohio new wave group haul toxic waste in a flatbed truck down a lonesome highway. “I don’t know what’s going on in the world today,” Devo’s Booji Boy says to himself as images of skulls flash across his bandmates’ faces, “People don’t seem to care about their fellow man.”

This is where Neil Young’s head was at the top of the ’80s. Human Highway—Young’s third picture, following the psychedelic Journey Through the Past and his quasi-concert film Rust Never Sleeps—shares a title with a song from 1978’s Comes a Time. “Take my head, and change my mind,” he sang in its chorus, “How could people get so unkind?.” With its gentle acoustic guitars and fantasies of misty mountains, “Human Highway” plays like a eulogy to a specific type of Neil Young song. The Canadian hippie who sings in a high squeaky voice about packin’ it in and buyin’ a pick-up is only one side of Young. In fact, a decade into his solo career, Neil Young had developed a reputation more like an actor, someone remembered more for the parts he played than the unifying presence behind them all. After Comes a Time, he stepped away from his role as a ’70s folk singer, with 1979’s Rust Never Sleeps introducing a decade of restless exploration. The world was getting meaner, and Neil Young was tired of being typecast as merely an observer: He wanted to take part in the madness.

Although they both speak to the increasingly uneasy state of Young’s mind, “Human Highway,” the song, never appears in Human Highway, the film. Instead, the movie is mostly soundtracked by a record called Trans, released that same year. In the film, Young gets into character by contorting his face, wearing a pair of dorky glasses, and slapping motor oil on his cheeks. On Trans, he transforms himself by setting his songs in a distant future and filtering his voice through a variety of synthesizers, most notably (and infamously) a vocoder. The warped new wave of Trans suits the movie’s otherworldly (if endearingly chintzy) backdrops. You believe that this is the music that would play in the film’s shoddy roadside diner, where Dennis Hopper cooks sausage patties and swats at radioactive, laser-pointer flies. In fact, the movie might be the best context to hear Trans—an album that’s often treated more like a symbol (for artistic reinvention, for failed experimentation, for creative self-sabotage) than an actual entry in a body of work characterized by prolificacy and versatility.

Part of what makes Neil Young’s discography so rewarding for new listeners is that it’s filled with great entry points: the classic rock radio staples with more depth than you imagined (After the Goldrush, Harvest); the intimate passages that, even after all these years, feel like uncovered secrets (Tonight’s the Night, On the Beach); and the bizarre left-turns like Trans that inspire cult fandom just for existing. And while Trans sits comfortably along with Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music and Bob Dylan’s Self Portrait in a lineage of puzzling-if-fascinating failures, its mythology is only part of the appeal. Reed and Dylan always felt like provocateurs—for Dylan, even finding Jesus felt like a means of snapping back at critics. But Young’s transformations have always felt less divisive, more natural and earnest and instinctual. Even when he followed Trans with Everybody’s Rockin’, a slight collection of anti-capitalist rockabilly songs, he held the latter record in high esteem: “As good as Tonight's The Night, as far as I'm concerned,” he’s said.

Young has made similar claims about Trans. “This is one of my favorites,” he said grimly, holding the album art to the camera during a 2012 interview, “If you listen to this now, it makes a lot more sense than it did then.” Even if Trans is still confusing, it’s a point well taken. In the context of Young’s discography—rich with remakes and sequels, major reunions and minor pet projects—Trans has only grown more triumphant and singular as it’s aged. He would do new wave again, he’d mess with his voice some more, and he’d even return to the idea of full-on concept albums. But he would never make anything quite so conceptually confrontational—a challenge to even his most ardent followers’ understanding of what a Neil Young album sounds like. “If I build something up, I have to systematically tear it right down,” he’s said, referring to his penchant for moving quickly from one project to another, carrying with him few traces of the previous work. It’s remarkable, then, that Trans—an album ostensibly designed to “tear down” a specific image of Neil Young—ends up standing for exactly what’s great about him.

Like so many of Neil Young’s albums, Trans is filled with mysteries and unanswered questions (Why is his 1967 Buffalo Springfield song “Mr. Soul” on here? Why is a track called “If You Got Love” listed in the lyric sheet but not on the actual album?) It’s hard to think of an artist with as many classic albums who has wrestled so constantly against the medium: even his canonized work has a raw, unfinished quality to it. “If anything is wrong, then it’s down to the mixing,” he’s said about Trans, “We had a lot of technical problems on that record.” Fittingly, much of Trans concerns man’s fight against technology. A song called “Computer Cowboy (aka Syscrusher)” details a team of rogue computers robbing a bank, with Young’s voice zapped down to a digital squelch. In “We R in Control,” a choir of robots lists the aspects of daily life—traffic lights, the FBI, even the flow of air—in which humans no longer have a say. Thematically, these songs—with their dystopian images of a world run by screens and numbers, where humans have everything at their fingertips but remain unhappy—have aged pretty well.

It’s the sound of the record that makes it more of an ’80s relic. No matter what format you listen to the album on (and it’s still never been released on CD in the U.S.), you feel as though you’re hearing it from the tape deck of a passing car. Even with longtime collaborators like producer David Briggs, guitarist Ben Keith, and drummer Ralph Molina, these songs sound very little like Young’s timeless ’70s work. The goofier, beat-centric tracks from his previous release, 1981’s shaky Re-ac-tor, certainly set a precedent. But despite its reputation for being aggressive and inscrutable, Trans is, at its heart, a pop record. It’s filled with hooks and beats and synths informed equally by krautrock and MTV. In “Sample and Hold,” guitarist Nils Lofgren—whose solos added an element of bluesy desperation to Tonight’s the Night but would soon light up football stadiums on Bruce Springsteen’s Born in the U.S.A. tour—points to future hits like Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing” and Oingo Boingo’s “Weird Science.” When the Trans Band played “Sample and Hold” during the album’s comically over-the-top tour—an endeavor that Young claims in Jimmy McDonough's authorized biography Shakey lost him $750,000 (“And we sold out every show,” he adds)—Neil and Nils stalk the stage with rock star charisma, trading solos and bleating into their talkboxes. In the sweet, melodic “Transformer Man,” Neil’s vocoder actually adds an element of purity to his voice, as layers of wordless choruses shower him. Listening to these songs, it’s not impossible to imagine that Trans could have maybe, possibly, in another world, been a pop hit.

But that world is in a galaxy far from this one. While the critical reception to Trans was not nearly as harsh as legend would have you think (Rolling Stone compared it to Bowie’s Berlin Trilogy; Robert Christgau gave it a higher mark than Harvest), it was a commercial dud—a rough start for the fledgling Geffen Records label, who also released Joni Mitchell’s adult contemporary turn Wild Things Run Fast the same year. Trans wasn’t the album that convinced David Geffen to sue Neil Young for making uncharacteristic records—that would be its follow-ups Everybody’s Rockin’ and Old Ways, the country record that plays like a made-for-TV adaptation of Harvest. But the idea had to be floating through David Geffen’s head when he first heard this record. At once Young’s coldest sounding album and his most vulnerable, Trans makes its flaws immediately apparent as soon as you press play—from the murky production to the mixed-bag tracklist.

When you listen to Trans, you’re really only hearing two-thirds of it. Only six of the album’s nine songs were intended for the actual project. The other three came from a different album entirely, one that concerned young love and ancient civilizations. It was to be titled Island in the Sun, and Geffen Records quickly steered him away from the concept. Album opener “Little Thing Called Love” stems from those sessions, and it’s the record’s clearest connection to Young’s more celebrated talents. Its chorus riffs on the title of one of his most beloved songs (“Only love,” he barks in a chipper tone, “Brings you the blues”) and the ensuing chord progression would eventually find a new home in the title track of 1992’s Harvest Moon. While demonstrating the fluidity of Neil’s catalog, the song also makes for a striking introduction in its own right: a singalong before the apocalypse, when human connection would become as archaic as LaserDisc copies of the Solo Trans live show are today.

The Island songs also help highlight a major theme of Trans: it’s an album about affection. At the start of the decade, Neil Young and his wife were enrolled in intensive therapy with their son Ben, who had been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. The program’s long hours slowed Young’s hectic work schedule and opened him up to writing about fatherhood. His struggles to communicate with his child and the technology that connected them inspired the lyrics of Trans and even informed the way he recorded his vocals: “You can’t understand the words, and I can’t understand my son’s words,” he explained in Shakey. In that context, Young’s naked voice in respective side-openers “Little Thing Called Love” and “Hold on to Your Love” represents the catharsis of an emotional breakthrough. You understand the words he wants you to understand—and most of them just say, “I love you.”

Even with Human Highway serving as a vehicle for the album, Trans was originally conceived with a different film project in mind. “I had a big concept,” Young said in Shakey, “All of the electronic-voice people were working in a hospital, and the one thing they were trying to do is teach this little baby to push a button.” That metaphor pops up a few times throughout the record, most squarely in “Transformer Man,” a song Young's openly dedicated to his son. “You run the show,” he sings to him, “Direct the action with the push of a button.” The Trans film might not have moved the album to the commercial heights Neil and Geffen imagined, but available evidence suggests that it would have at least made its digital world feel warmer, more grounded and productive—the qualities fans had come to expect from Young’s work. Instead, the songs would have to stand on their own, their meaning buried inside them, like a constellation of stars you have to connect based on your own perception.

Near the end of Human Highway, a concussed Young enters a long, inscrutable dream sequence in which he, among other things, gets bathed in milk, attends a desert ritual, and becomes a world-renowned rock star. When Russ Tamblyn wakes him, they celebrate the mere fact that he’s alive. For the film’s final 10 minutes, Neil lives with a newfound sense of purpose and ambition (“We could do it,” he says, “We could be rhythm and bluesers, we could go on the road!”). Even with the fiery explosion on its way to squash his dreams and reduce the world to a pile of ash, it’s a brighter ending than what Trans leaves us with. In the lost paradise of “Like an Inca,” Young envisions himself in the aftermath of a nuclear bomb, crossing the bridge to the afterlife, at once happy and sad and totally alone. It’s a fitting finale for a heavy album, one whose only brief glimmers of hope come from our connection to one another. “I need you to let me know that there’s a heartbeat/Let it pound and pound,” Young sings in “Computer Age.” His voice is masked beyond recognition, but the pulse—steady and wild—is unmistakably his own.

[theavengingmusicjournalist]

Check Noise in the Attic’s Feb 19th Performers!

All musicians interviewed over social media messaging

Write-ups will be viewable as published

Chris Brown

Chris Brown—No. Not that Chris Brown—36, born and raised in Asbury Park, taught SAT prep for 10 years and taught high school mathematics for two!  Brown previously bartended at Bond Street Bar six years ago, also holding the position of Assistant GM at Biergarten, while additionally booking shows at Asbury Festhalle and Biergarten. When Brown isn’t working any of the following, he goes home to his wife and seven month old.

On top of it all, Brown is also a musician! “My music has been described as folk/punk as I thread the line of story teller lyrics with barroom singalongs,” said Brown. He says that he has always been a punk/hardcore kid at heart, always feeling at home stage diving back into the pit. Nevertheless Brown adds, “I’ve always played acoustic guitar, primarily, as a soloist, so I suppose my music is a fusion of those experiences.”

Already a fan of the line up for this weekend’s Noise in the Attic, Brown is also happy to see bands he has heard some swell things about, like The Mercury Brothers, who will be represented by band member Dan Apy.

“I love Noise in the Attic as it's a real listening room experience for the musicians and the crowd,” said Brown, “Everyone is there for good times with good music and good people, and sometimes raising money for a great cause. I love the Inkwell crew as well.”

As for what to expect from Brown, he will be playing some tunes from his latest EP One More Night and potentially, some of Brown’s old favorites! He adds that he has free download cards for his EP if anyone is interested, so look out!

When performing, Brown says that there is nothing better than engaging a crowd, “When people are smiling, nodding, or singing along, you know something is working,” said Brown. The folk/punk musician he does his damnedest to connect to the crowd, for as a music lover, her knows there is nothing better than doing so.  

Brown says he does not plan on touring any time soon, but that he does hope to book some dates to perform with his friends Jared Hart and Sammy Kay, who, themselves, do a lot of touring, said Brown.

The Asbury Park inhabitant says he has always loved benefit shows because it is a way to share the gift of music all the while paying for a good cause. Brown thanks Marie Weimer and Megan O’Shea for their work and asking him to perform, saying, “In this case Marie is an absolute sweetheart and is constantly trying to help those less fortunate. I am grateful Megan asked me to play this show! I hope we are able to raise a good amount of money. Children and the women who raise them ARE the future.”

Renee Maskin 

“I play folk and country songs. The good kind. The kind with dirt under its nails. I used to play in progressive rock bands. Life is a strange journey sometimes,” said Renee Maskin from Metuchen, NJ, now living in a tiny room in Bradley Beach where discarded drawings carpet her floor and a closet designated only to shoes lives.

Life is quite strange, I couldn’t agree more. With that in mind, imagine a show where people watch and listen? Maskin says she always digs Noise in the Attic, adding that everyone is always so cool, laid back and attentive. “It's always an adjustment not hearing clinking glasses and bros in the back talking over your set, but it's an adjustment in a positive direction,” said the ancient like the oceans-year-old.

A little less cohesive in attentiveness, Maskin says the open-mics at Inkwell are really rad. The folk and country musician continues, “Everybody is hanging out, moving around, playing chess, sneaking smokes and staring longingly out into the salty ocean air.”

Maybe this salty ocean air holding longing stares, is filled with some of Maskin's as she shares of peering outside her bathroom window to see the sliver of beach upon her home, contemplating her view of the ocean.

The beauty of The Inkwell as a venue is that it brings so many people together, and Maskin hits the nail on the head, saying there are a lot of folks she knows from around town that come through, while others she has never met before. “It's a great mix and a great night, and of course, the beverages are always on point,” said Maskin.

Speaking of venues, Maskin says she loves performing, yet it is difficult to pinpoint why.  “It makes me nervous, I sweat a lot,” said the folk and country musician. Maskin adds that she loves interacting with people although it makes her nervous. “Ultimately,” said the one with a unique voice and a penchant for strumming guitars, “it might come down to me being some kind of masochist.”

Maskin--also a guitarist and vocalist of Lowlight, the 2016 Asbury Music Awards winner for Top Indie Folk Band--says you can look forward to some sad songs, bad jokes, and maybe a few stories of her sordid past.

Additionally, the musician says, it feels great to give back to Nuevos Horizontes, a Guatemalan community organization providing services to women and children in need. “Marie is doing a really awesome thing, and I feel honored that I was asked to participate in this show.  Looking forward to it, I'll see ya'll Sunday, coffee in hand. Cheers!” said Maskin.

Thank you, Renee! You were quite fun and intriguing to write about and I surely look forward to watching you perform after this write up! Keep on keeping! Sunday is going to be a blast.

Cranston Dean

Cranston Dean of the Atlantic Highlands, is super glad to be on the setlist for Sunday’s show, saying that all of night’s talent are incredible performers. “One of my first gigs in Asbury was at The Saint with Chris Brown and Joe Miller. I remember watching them work a crowd and I learned something that night,” the 26-year-old continues, saying, “Dan Apy (of The Mercury Brothers), is a friend of mine. We have done gigs together in and out of state and his songs are timeless.”

Dean also adds that Renee Maskin simply stops him in his tracks, saying they’ve only met a handful of times and played together twice, but that Maskin is undeniable. In the end, Dean says, “I can’t wait for this bill.”

Vocalist, guitarist, and keyboardist of the Cranston Dean Band, Dean says that the type of music he creates is of multiple styles, “If I were to describe my music it would be a multiple personality disorder. The styles covered are Funk/Blues/Rock/Alt-Country/Hip-hop/Traditional,” said Dean.

Nevertheless, Dean loves playing live, he says, “My favorite part about playing live with the full band is to watch the energy of the band changing with the energy of the crowd and how the energy gets passed from one player to the next.” He says that as a solo act people can expect a mix between comedy and storytelling and Dean may even play a few songs!

At the moment, Cranston Dean Band is looking for a drummer to join them on their journey. “I would say that it has been difficult to find a drummer who is willing and able to do the hard parts. (Sleeping on dirty floors, not getting paid for gigs, going on the road, etc.) That has left us with a core group of Riley Schiro on Guitar, Ike Gutierrez on Bass, David Hayes on Pedal Steel, and myself,” said the musician.

The band hopes to find a drummer to make a big push with the band. In fact, the band is recording their third full-length album at Eightsixteen Studios in Bayville with the help of Zach Jones on drums. Jones, a drummer for A Great Big World, has also performed and played with Sting.

“Lately I’ve been recording, touring, booking, teaching, and hosting an open mic night,” said Dean. He calls the open mic, “The Vlassic Classic: Salty Cucumber Open Mic. Can you guess where this open mic might take place? …Well! The Chubby Pickle, of course.

To, the open mic night host and to the musician Dean is, The Chubby Pickle is a capitol venue. “Tuesday nights at The Pickle have been an honor for me to host... I have seen bands form, players thrive, met bandmates, and have seen monster-musicians come out of the woodwork,” said Dean.

In the future of Dean he holds some goals that include: finishing and releasing the new album, having a coast to coast solo tour for the summer, beginning the writing for a fourth full-length record as the songs of his up and coming record come out for release, and to find a touring drummer.

Look out for Cranston Dean on his solo tour before the summer:  2/16 - Philly 2/17 - Harrisburg 2/18 - DC 4/8 - Radford, VA 4/9 - Johnson City, TN 4/12 - Nashville, TN 4/13 - Nashville, TN 4/14 - Nashville, TN 4/15 - Nashville, TN

Additionally: The band and Cranston will be at The Saint in Asbury Park on Feb. 24 and at The Myrtle Street Tavern in Rockland, ME on June 10.

Thank you so much Cranston, it is a pleasure to be writing about you again and I am stoked to see you play at Noist in the Attic again. It was such an honor then and it will be this time around. If you are a drummer interested in touring with the Cranston Dean Band, hit up Cranston.

Joseph Alton Miller

Joseph Alton Miller, 31, originally from Upstate, NY is the owner and founder of Worn Out Joke Records, recording artists like himself and others such as Jersey Shore’s own Francis Lombardi. Miller now lives in Hazlet and looks forward to playing Noise in the Attic.

“Playing Noise In The Attic always feels good because I know that the proceeds are going towards a cause that helps others,” said Miller. Miller also says he loves playing spaces like Noise because they are so intimate, including that said spaces are where his music thrives.

A mixture of contemporary folk and blues/soul, Miller will perform original tracks from his record, Songs of Travel for the Vagabond. The singer-songwriter is looking for the music to affect the audience, pulling them to feel something. “My favorite aspect of playing live is the audience and the one or two folks that come up to me after the show letting me know that my performance meant something to them... That's why I do it,” said Miller.

Soundwaves Review article titled, “Captivating New EP – Songs of Travel for the Vagabond – Joseph Alton Miller,” said, “I can’t tell you what the magic ingredients are that, when combined, create the kind of music that fully captures me, makes my skin tingle, holds me still, entrances me. But I can tell you that Joseph Alton Miller has all of those ingredients.”

In anticipation of Miller’s performance at Noise in the Attic, prepare to not only hear from his new record, but covers from artists like Joni Mitchell and Woody Guthrie. Miller said, “Maybe I'll throw in a brand new song that I just wrote as well!”

Thank you for your time, Joe! Tonight is going to be narly. I look forward to hearing your record live.